First haircut and first earings!

With Sanbate on my lap I post.
Yesterday my car drove away. I think the baby knows somethings up cause I started crying and after we went for a walk she threw up her entire dinner in Mr.D's car. It was definitely not a flu purge. We came home and dissected the car seat cover and put it in the wash.

On an up note, Elianshu Sanbate's readopt is finalized. She will receive a certificate of citizenship and California birth certificate in 8 (!) months. We hope it will be forwarded to sister-in-laws. Regardless, she is now good to go.

First Bites Baby Tent

O! Sebastian

A bird and her head

Even though my birthday isn't for another week Mr. D gave me my birthday gift, a Flip video camera. This camera is very low tech and for some reason reminds me of a super 8. I think because it doesn't do a lot but it is easy to use and the picture is excellent and does not require flash or any fancy business. My only complaint is that it takes forever to publish on your computor and then forever again to upload onto Youtube. I shouldn't complain as it is a pretty nifty gift and if we have a decent connection in Bangalore I will be posting often for everyone to stay in tune with this growing miracle child.



We are lonely today because the kitties left with dad AND aunti Jayshree, uncle Subbu and cousin-sister Sujaya. The house is so quiet. We will pack a little and play. Here we are Peeking. Watch her little hand at the end crunching "good-bye".

I haven't posted in a few days and it has been quite an emotional week. Two major disappointments, one closer to heartbreak.

Our adoption agency decided to send their admin. liason on vacation when our readopt papers needed to be filed with the superior court. We are late making a hearing date and have been told there is no way we will get a hearing before August 15. We have flights out of California on the 16th of June so... the readopt may not happen at all until we return to the states which for me is a big problem. Luckily, Sanbate has a us passport.

The other problem is that our birds won't be joining us in India as the US is so strict about birds coming into the country there is a chance they wouldn't be allowed back. This put me in a funk for 2 days, crying and carrying on, as my bird Sebastian has been a huge support to me for the last 8 years, especially when I was single. She and I are extremely close and she is such a sweet, loving, and trusting bird. I am just shattered about it. :(

I am enjoying the company of our neice Sujaya and she has been absolutely great with the baby. We will be having a great summer together with Sujaya and her family in Ohio. At least I will be able to spend time with kitties and birdies then, because they will be living in Ohio while we are in India.

I know this isn't a polical blog but I just can't help it. I am crazy for Senator Barack Obama.

Knowing I may not be able to watch all the movies on my "list" I have been on a Kurosawa Kick. Movies by Kurosawa I recommend:
Ikiru
Throne of Blood (based roughly on Macbeth)
Hidden Fortress
Red Beard
Kagemusha
Stray Dog


I also recently enjoyed Harakiri by Masaki Kobayashi.

A new movie I LOVED which reminded me of a fresh Hal Hartly movie was:
Juno
!!!

It is hard to believe we are leaving soon, (4 weeks!). The cats are going to Cincinatti a week on Wednesday. That leaves birdies, (Sebastian and Scrap), Sanbate and me. There have been very few responses to the craigslist ad so we may as well have a freebie on the weekend. I haven't listed my car yet but who wouldn't take a perfect rav4? I will miss my car. It saved my life twice, once in a snow storm and another time on the highway driving 70 mph. I will also miss driving. How am I NOT going to get nauseous riding in the back seat? With the poor air quality etc.?
AW, Quit yer yappin' and get packin'!

Everybody loves a BOX!







Well, that is unless you are moving and have to fill them.
I have listed some stuff on Craigslist for free and for sale. Most of it sort of useless. I would like to just chuck it but that is not the right thing to do.

Sanbate is learning to eat with a fork and spoon. She loves her board books, especially the ones with animals.

It was hot last night! 91 degrees in our house.
Poor kitties were like little defeated pancakes. Sissy slept with her legs dangling to air them out and Missy licked ice cubes for an hour.

Sanbate in a bathing suit ;) and I went out back and filled up every large container we could find, watered plants and played in the water until Mr. D came home. The house was still stuffy at 7pm so we opened the rest of the windows and could hear the neighborhood cooling off.

Remember the nights at the houses of your "friends with children"?
How silly they seemed trying to get their kids to sleep?
How it appeared to you that they were playing the clown pretty well for their kids?
I just realized it is an actual game you play with your kids.


The Napping/Sleeping game:
(Can only be played after quiet time with a book)
Allow mom to rub back for 1 minute and then make her stop.
Lie still for 1-2 minutes and begin closing eyes.
When mom sits down at the edge of the bed, get up.
Refuse to lie down.
Let mom "help" you to lie down 3 or 4 times.
Wave by by to mom.
When she leaves, cry as loud and long as possible so that the neighbors (and dad) remark, "Wow, she is really upset!"
When mom comes in, clearly flustered, smile and start game over again.

When mom gets tired of the game and starts to cry or throw a pillow etc., it is time for the actual nap/sleep.

Well I blew it, (I guess I am overwhelmed with the move, posting stuff on Craigslist and worrying about how to do it with no friends and family to help us pack up)
ie:

I left my husband's car lights on. We should have known when the keys didn't unlock the car on Monday but didn't put two and two together.

Yesterday we discovered the error and my husband was furious at me and told me not for the first time, "you are so irresponsible!" He was planning on showing the car today to a prospective buyer. Last night was spent trying to get the battery out of the car, which required special tools. The job was not finished and today the battery needs to be replaced. (Why the hassle? Mercedez ML320)

Last night I did not sleep for nightmares(mine) and crying from our daughter and cats.Yes. Our cats cry in the night too, like ghosts.

This morning I woke up feeling broken down and the feeling has not gone away.

First Bruise



Today she earned her first bruise. I don't know what she fell on but she started crying very loudly and wanted to be held closely. I didn't notice the bruise on her cheek until we went through the car wash later. Why do I feel guilty? Because I was clear across the apartment and in another room when it happened.

Posting has been a challenge as the girl is so curious and wants to help. But the one item I am a "mean" mom about is the oven. Today I gave her a very loud NO! when she started fiddling with the knob on the range. Poor girl. She looked as if to say, "How strange. She just touched it a second ago."

My mom and dad made it to California but were stricken with sickness the entire (short) trip. Well, it is a good thing our plans weren't ambitious. We made it up to the Marin Headlands and to our favorite breakfast place in Sauselito. My sister's daughter caught the flu and her husband was in the middle of studying for certification exams so she wasn't able to come. Still, it was wonderful for my parents to see the baby and they will be able to share their trip with the rest of the family. E S was just so sweet and open to them which didn't come as a big surprise. Most orphan babies tend to be very trusting. It isn't necessarily a great thing but in this case, with my dad getting up there, it was a blessing. My parents were smitten.

These eyes...




I believe the stress from the excitement of having my parents and sister come and visit has taken its toll. A fight with Mr. D about moving to India. A karfuffle about the fact that the readoption may not be finished in time before we leave for Ohio. This is due to the fact that we prioritized getting Elianshu a passport and we were not able to send necessary documents for the readopt because they were being used for the passport.

And We have many things to accomplish in the next month:

Posting items on craigslist to sell i.e. cars and electronics/appliances. (The outlets in India are not compatable and one would need a serious overhall in the electric system in the house to use one's appliances and electronics).

Packing/Shipping and giving aways items we cannot or do not want to take with us: Lawn furniture, plants, lamps...

Stocking up on goods not available in India like medicines, vite supplements, toys, clothing...

Closing up accounts, and
Heavens NOOOOOO!!! Closing my New Yorker magazine account unless I can get them to send it to India. I am an avid and devoted fan of The New Yorker. I truly hope I can continue to read this one magazine. I absolutely love love love.

Forwarding mail.

Deciding what to bring for the summer in Cincinatti. I have sent a travel crib to my sister-in-laws. But what else aside from clothing do we need? Her car seat, toys, books and booster seat. But what else? Hmmmmmm....

She walks! Starting May 1st and now taking up to 20 steps. But who is counting. I am just getting ready to take a good video of it so wait a minute...

Operation Anti-Chaos: The Narrative on “White Voters” Is Fiction
By Al Giordano

I turn on the TV, read the political columnists (and a significant number of analytically-challenged bloggers, too) and all I hear is a bunch of white folk prattling on about their favorite narrative: “Obama’s losing white voters!”

They’ve swallowed the Clinton racially-obsessed spin, hook, line and sinker. Some, because they are gullible, haven’t an original idea in their little pea brains, and follow the pack of what everybody else is talking about. Others, because they like to toss around knowing falsehoods. Nary a superdelegate can go on Fox News without being berated by an anchorperson screeching (this is pretty close to an exact quote): “But your duty as a superdelegate is to select the most electable and that’s Hillary Clinton!” That these anchorpersons are Republican partisans openly cheering for Senator Clinton is our first clue of the game afoot. One of the major successes of Rush Limbaugh’s Operation Chaos is that it has got all the right-wing pundits and reporters marching lockstep behind the effort to give Clinton enough oxygen to keep slashing away at Senator Obama, who remains the prohibitive likely Democratic nominee.

And when Clinton wins state primaries that, because of demographics, she was always going to win - last week, Pennsylvania and next week, Indiana - they then wave that event up like a blood-soaked flag as proof of their narrative: See? See? We told you so! White people won’t vote for Obama!

So imagine my pleasant surprise this morning to see a New York Times columnist, Charles Blow, who did what none of these chattering lunkheads have done. He looked at the hard data of how voters, white and black, view the two Democratic candidates - favorably or negatively? - and how those views have progressed over time. The data is based on multiple CBS-New York Times polls (among the most respected survey outfits among competing pollsters) over two years and more. Check it out:



Nobody - not blogger, nor superdelegate, nor cable news anchor - should open their mouths with another word about this contest until they’ve studied those graphs and the numbers upon which they are based. Blow explains:

Since January, the Clintons have pummeled Barack Obama with racially tinged comments and questions about his character…

The question is this: Have white Democrats soured on Obama? Apparently not. Although his unfavorable rating from the group is up five percentage points since last summer in polls conducted by The New York Times and CBS News, his favorable rating is up just as much.

Wait. The numbers show that the cynical effort to turn the 2008 campaign into a race riot has hurt the popularity of one candidate among an important demographic, and it’s not Barack Obama:

On the other hand, black Democrats’ opinion of Hillary Clinton has deteriorated substantially (her favorable rating among them is down 36 percentage points over the same period).

So, to sum up: Look at the damn graphs. You can see that Clinton is in a staggering free-fall among African-American voters, her favorability is down 36 points while 17 percent view her more negatively than before, while Obama’s favorable and negative ratings among whites have paired at five point increases. You can even see the small dip - about two percentage points - in his popularity among whites that can be attributed to the news cycles about his ex-pastor, and see that it has leveled out and is now on a straight horizontal line (meanwhile, Clinton’s numbers among blacks continue on an extreme downward precipice). The greater context is that even including Obama’s slight dip, he’s more popular today among white voters than he ever was prior to February.

Not since Ronald Reagan has an American presidential candidate withstood such an assault in the media and seen his popularity not hurt by it, but, rather, galvanized by it. That’s what is meant, in politics, by the term “Teflon.”

Those facts won’t stop many media (and Internet) talking heads from continuing - whether out of gullibility or intentional dishonesty - to prop up the “white voters” narrative, but it ought to inoculate you, kind reader, from believing it.

Don’t let yourself get upset when some idiot repeats the false media narrative. Don’t plead with them to tell the truth (they won’t; remember, they’re either stupid or dishonest). Mock them. Ridicule them. Expose them as the lightweights they are showing themselves to be, with all the confidence that understanding the hard data ought to provide you.

Let Operation Anti-Chaos begin!

ES likes the bath toys
but I had to throw them
in the dishwasher to get rid of the noxious plastic fumes right after we brought them home. We have so little of that kind of thing I don't know how families can stand the horrible smell. Like a skunk on hormones.

Yesterday marked the first "walking" day. Five steps. With repeats throughout the day. Today she has made a big effort to be upright when possible, using the furniture to navigate around the house.

On the advise of our pediatrician, who was also adopted, we are now giving up the bottle in the night. Last night was the first installment of "rage against the establishment", sponsored by ESD. Tonight I blog because I am a light sleeper and the rebellion from the crib inspired me to look at cute pictures of our sweet and demure child from the quiet of the guest room.

Photo by Erica Pelaccia WHFC

Elianshu has gained 5 pounds since we have arrived home. She is beginning to sleep through the night. She delights in everything except being told "no". She is imitating all sounds, (especially the cat's) and can make raspberries from the front and side of her mouth. She is climbing on stairs, beds and couches. She loves nature and is fascinated by each stick, flower, rock and leaf.

Her grandmother, grandfather (who is 85) and aunti Bec are coming for Mother's day weekend.
Her cousin Sujaya (6 years) is coming the third week in May.
Her aunti Marcy is coming for the first week in June.

All to see her and get their fill before we leave for India.

We submitted our re-adoption paperwork to the superior court clerk in Martinez today. Now we need to wait to schedule a hearing.

I have noticed that when I have to wait in line with my head banger I get a little hot under the collar. Especially when they tell you to wait in one line and when you get to the top (a half hour later) they say that you don't have to wait in that line just in the line to see the clerk. Then you get in the clerk's line and they see your little poop machine bouncing around and making cat noises and then they decide to close two windows. Which leaves one window free because the other window has been taken up for the last 25 minutes by an especially complicated case.

When I lived in Chicago I had a couple of jobs that required me to interact with "needy" customers, most of whom were women over 40. I can't count how many frustrated moments I spent listening to the hysterics of a demanding pet owner or vegetarian diner. What was wrong with these old washed out rags anyway?

Today I joined their minion.

Several days ago Elianshu Sanbate and I were cuddling on the futon bed and all of a sudden... crack went the frame. We had wrestled a little too hard but it seemed unlikely that a 150 lb woman and a 21 lb child would be able to do such damage. When I took a look I saw how the bed was designed (poorly) and could see how easy it would be to crack an inch and a half of wood given the proper pressure.

I was insensed! We paid good money for that bed! It looked so sturdy! It was only a year ago that we bought it and already it cheaps out! Criminal!

AFter calling the store for hours, (they don't use an answering machine) I got through.

"Do you have the receipt?"
"No."
"Well bring in the broken piece and we will see if it can be replaced."
"You mean I have to take it apart?"
"Yeah. Just bring it in on Thursday and I will have a replacement piece by Friday...."

Today baby and I show up at 11am when they are scheduled to open.
They haven't opened.
11:15 still closed.
11:25 still closed. Now I know why they don't pick up their phone. They show up when they feel like it.
I take squirmy worm for a walk around the corner.
11:45 We come back. The owner's wife is present.

"Do you have the receipt?"
"No."
"Well, you will have to pay for the piece."
This is where I start to get raggy and find myself telling her that we had been waiting for her to open the store at 11 am.
"You don't have to get mad at me. If you had a conversation with my husband then you can discuss it with him. Just leave the piece with me and I will bring it home. My husband will see if the supplier will give us a replacement..."

I was raggy. And it was because I felt they should be doing this for free. Not charging us or making us take the bed apart et al.

Back in the day when we listened to loud, disturbing music at work I was always bothered by the customers that complained and made us change it.

Now I am that customer.
Demanding.
Making a scene.

I came home to see if I could find the receipt.
No luck.

The house is clean! And I mean spotless. It has been some time since we paid someone to help us clean the house, (since I stopped working full time over a year ago).
Beauty girl is starting to sleep more calmly and without the urgent cries in the night. Our test came back negative, (altho' our pediatrician thinks we need to redo it in 6 months, sigh). Mr.D is in India and has found a place for us to live, and he is even excited about it.

Tomorrow we submit our re-adopt forms to the superior court and wait to be clear for scheduling a hearing date.

We still have the ringworm.

While exploring food preferences we invented a lovely recipe:

frozen peas
tofu (seasoned with sesame oil and tamari)
finely sliced rigatoni (with salt,melted butter, brewers yeast, yogert whey and acerola). It makes a pretty stack too. And see how she likes it.

Laughing


(Written for my friend Sharon)

Life has an interesting way of laughing.

Sometimes it is hard to laugh along,

and then

when you get it

you see how silly it is.



I thought when I had a baby the longing would end

but the longing is replaced by terror

for what "could" happen and

what DOES happen.

Do you want the good news first or the bad news?

I should have known it was coming when the Infectious diseases doctor praised Sanbate's xray results after requesting more lab work. I should have known that there is no end to a research hospital's need for answers and more proof that every child that leaves their borders is tracked like a wanted criminal.

There was a mistake on the blood test in that instead of doing a stage 1 hiv test they did a stage 2 test which came up inconclusive. That is there were some levels that were not "normal".

Now the doctor is recommending we do the hiv test again, even tho' the lab that originally did her blood work up in Ethiopia is a certified US laboratory.

"I am sure it is negative, but with this result it would be negligent to skip retesting."

So now I am as anxious as ever. We have an appointment with her pediatrician tomorrow because I couldn't bear to bring Sanbate back into the hospital to be jabbed again, ( they had a really really hard time getting blood from her when we were in prison there). We will get a referral for a lab and then do another test.

I am a wreck
but Elianshu has been surprisingly jolly especially since we escaped the hospital, yet again.

I am a bit of a clean freak and it is
distressing to see the little
explosions around the house and the sink full of dishes.
My mother raised 7 of us, cooked homemade meals every night, and maintained a spotless house.

I think one of the activities that is slowing me down is the daily making of the home made formula. I have decided that the powdered sh** that Sanbate has been drinking is just not working for her. We have been taking trips to the local natural food store to buy raw milk and cream. Other ingredients: olive oil, acerola, coconut oil, sunflower seed oil, brewers yeast, probiotics, whey, geletin, and filtered water.

This formula is designed to fatten baby and give her much needed animal fats. And every morning I am giving her a cooked egg yolk.

Caring for a newly adopted child while sleep deprived is about as much fun as a truck load of camels. We saw these on the road back from Awassa, Ethiopia.

Lots of crying. Her not the camels, but it makes a mom feel ineffective. And frankly, a poor educator, (after 20 years experience!)

While checking email from my friend and adoption mentor, bj, my girl started to cry again, after having been asleep for 20 minutes. Sanbate had been up all day.Bj's email strongly suggested I buy and read The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier. Well, that was an easy sell. As the screaming escalated I quickly purchased a copy from Nancy's website. I will let you know how it is when I read it.

This morning we went down to the Albany county clerks office and filed for Sanbate's US passport. In three weeks we should receive it in the mail which means we can go to India as soon as the re-adoption is finalized.

Our girl is gaining weight. Finally. She is about 20 pounds now, compared to 16 when we arrived home with pneumonia. This girl had only gained 1 pound in the orphanage over a period of 3 months! I still can't quite figure this out as she was eating like a sow and as far as we know did not have parasites. She does have ringworm, altho' I have no idea where she has it- just that she gave it to me. Ringworm, incidentally is NOT a worm but a fungus.

Stubborn? yes.
A quick study? certainly.
Lovely? Quite.
Mental? Um. I am afraid so, (Head-bangingly so).
Generous? To a fault. (Just today she offered me her pancake, AND LET ME EAT IT).
Expressive? Right down to her bowels.

Babies are workaholics!
No matter how tired, wet, hungry, sick or cold they are they continue to explore, experiment and experience life. It is amazing!

Sanbate has been sleeping better but still pretty weary throughout the day. The naps (now 45 minutes) just don't seem to be enough.




Well, at least her meditative practice is still in order.
Here she is at the bookshelf and the first book she decides to take out, Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind. Shambhala baby!

Sleep.

Sanbate's schedule:
Sleeps 7pm -1am
Awake 1am-3am
Sleep 3am-5am
Awake 5am-9am
Sleep 9am-10am
Awake 10am-2pm
Sleep 2pm-3pm
Awake 3pm-7pm

Sleeps 10 hours
is awake 14 hours
every 24 hours

And it shows.She is tender and fussy.

I wonder if I should just let go of trying to have a rested baby.
It seems so important to me to help our one year old (eventually)learn to fall asleep without the parental circus we perform.
The bottles, the singing, the humming, the dancing, the walking, the soothing,the crib/our bed, the swaddling... This all would be wonderful if it actually worked.
I want to trust that my daughter will learn to fall asleep.
And comfort herself.
I want her to wake up joyful.

I have been told that young children should not be exposed to mirrors because they don't "get" what it is. Well we have big mirrors in our apartment and she lights up when she sees who is there. What can I do? Sanbate loves Sanbate.

When you use cloth diapers your child poops and pees more.
Or so it seems.
I am changing her diaper every hour but what joy it is to see a
(here I go sounding like an insane mother)
normal poop!
How beautiful!

And last night Sanbate slept from 6pm to 7am!
What a fabulous mood she was in this morning.
And she talked herself to sleep for her nap.

Today Jennifer from Adoption Connections came by for the post placement visit. It went really well I believe because I fed the baby banana pancakes just before arrival.

There was crawling, walking(with the walker), cooing, talking, laughing, playing and exploring.

She made us look so good.

There is the bubble test to see if a baby is really ill, (which works).
And then there is the lollipop test. Last night I tried the latter with success.

It has been a couple of days home from the hospital and Sunboo is still a little cranky. Altho' one must realize, (that is, I must realize) she is still reeling from being taken from her home. Still in shock from losing her Ethiopian "family" at the orphanage and subconsciously her birth family. Sometimes she is inconsolable and I have to set her down for a minute.

Today for her nap she could not be comforted. She was so tired and sad. I had to put her in her crib. When I came back in to check on her she would not let me hold her so I put her down again and this infuriated her. 2 minutes later she was asleep.

With no help from me. I feel terrible.

Hospital Days












We snuck out of the hospital undetected, (or so it seemed as we escaped from the isolation chamber), and saw the light of day. We also saw the sun.
And it was good.

Tests yesterday confirmed Sanbate's improvement (from white blood cell count of 30,000 to 7,000).
Her disposition is also greatly uplifted. Sleep is an amazing thing, and WHY don't they let the babies sleep in hospitals?

We were able to spend some time outside by the sea and in our back yard as the weather was gorgeous.

By 6 pm however, girl had a mild temperature. Hello tylenol and lots of liquids. By 7pm temperature was normal.

Easter

As he rose, she also rose.
Is a rose.
Ah Sunboo. You were very joyous today having had a real night's rest. All the machinery seems to be running smoothly again and if your blood test tomorrow is like your disposition today we are shining.
Dr. Brian Lee, who is an esteemed member of the Infectious diseases department of the hospital, met with us today to let us know that if the bloodwork tomorrow is improved from Thursday we can bring the girl home.
Push back that boulder and let us out!

Our sweet goose has been very sick. She had another febrile convulsion on the way to her doctor's appointment on Thursday and we have been at the hospital since. She has pneumonia, and something intestinal as well as other worse possibilities we are trying and hoping to rule out.
Tomorrow they pump her stomach to do a culture on what is in there. She will have to keep tubes in her little nose for a few days.
She has had almost every kind of test known to human kind.
And will be in the hospital until Monday at least.
I am home for a few hours to get some rest.
We are at the best children's hospital in our area and I am very confident of the doctors, altho' they do railroad a bit. We are in isolation which stinks because we can't walk around with her but it is a private room with a bathroom and view of the bay and the train so she and I have been sitting in the window and gazing at the street below. Very entertaining- no tv needed!

Happy Birthday!

On her Number 1 Day S woke up late, (430 am). She is tired and unwell. As she slept on and off throughout the day Mr. D and I became increasingly concerned, called the nurse practitioner and insisted on antibiotics. She had a fever the second half of the day and her belly was full of battle cries. I will not mention her diapers herein.
We did not give her the antibiotics however, as the international adoption clinic dr. advised us against taking any medication until the lab results are back.

Tomoca coffee is d* straight, 3 palms a pound, and I get excited when waking up at 3 in the morning with Sanbate to drink it.

The girl survived extensive bloodletting today. In fact, she walked away with her sense of humor fully intact.

Tomorrow is her birthday so we have every intention of spoiling her in every way. Lord girl! You made it through one year! Despite!

I am so grateful to sister Askale, the resident nurse pictured here with our coy smiler, for accompanying me to the hospital on our first day. I don't care what the statistics say, my experience with Ethiopians both men and women has lead me to feel devoted to them and to feel they are gentle and extremely loving people.

Yesterday Sanbate and I went to the International adoption clinic for an intense consultation which left us feeling a little bereft. The words, "failure to thrive" were used in reference to the almost nonexistent growth she has shown over the last 3 months. It is very possible that our girl has ghiardia or some kind of parasite/bacteria that is inhibiting her body from intaking nutrients. The girl eats and sleeps like a queen but still does not grow. Her digestion is also very challenged and one can hear the battle going on inside her belly after a meal. Mr. D and I are a little anxious about it especially after the febrile convulsion last week. So, we bought a temporal temperature gauge so as to keep track of any fever immediately and I am petitioning our primary care doctor for an appointment today so that we can get a referral for a blood panel and stool check.

None of this has stopped her from being an affectionate, curious, playful, and stunningly gorgeous lovebaby.

Another ED in the family.

We are home.
It seemed endless but
eternity has come to rest.

Many adventures inside one.
First day in Ethiopia trip to the hospital. Upon arrival our child vomits entire content of bottle on my torso and later because of temperature of 104 has febrile convulsions. If you have ever had a child of your own do this you know how terrifying it is.

Second day in Ethiopia trip to Leku to see the birth family (mother and grandmother). It seemed as though the entire village waited outside while we sat and talked.

Third day in Ethiopia trip to US embassy in Addis Ababa to obtain finalization of adoption and legal resident alien visa.

Fourth day in Ethiopia our child with us all day and all night.

Fifth day in Ethiopia I fall sick, north pole and south pole.

Sixth day in Ethiopia shopping excursion to Addis to buy things for the girl, (dresses, maps, books, paintings, a triptych, kavere, t-shirts, coffee, a sidama style cross necklace. The bus leaves without us downtown and we have momentary panic not unlike "Open Water". It seems they did a miscount and when they arrived at next destination realized we weren't aboard and turned around to get us.

Seventh day in Ethiopia coffee ceremony and goodbyes.

No sleep on the plane. A very fussy baby. Luggage sent on different flight which was delayed.

And finally back home.

Today is the day we leave so I may not be able to post anything else soon.
The bags are packed. The packing list has been checked. The cab for tonite has been called. It is difficult to believe that this is happening. I feel like I am being carried by this tremendous force and that I am ready to just relax and let it take me to Ethiopia.

I thought I would finish Sanbate's hat on the plane but here it is at home waiting for her to make it work.

Our agency called to let us know we will be staying in Awassa the night before our embassy appointment on Monday. As it stands we will leave early on Sunday to travel to the birth family's location (?) and then back to Awassa for the night. Awassa is not far from Addis so it shouldn't be difficult to get back in time for appointment at the embassy in the afternoon.

On a different note and in regard to what is happening TODAY:
I want to stay positive about the primaries. I want to be inspired that so much has happened with the nation actually getting out and voting for the first time! In Texas and places you would think that the current administration had paralyzed. I want to stay optimistic about this "Change" Americans are hungry for. But I have to tell you I am nervous about it. I am anxious about it. Because I do have hope that the grown up running is not going to give in to "the silly season" in politics. Is not going to stoop to fear mongering and racial baiting. That Barack Obama will continue to run in his "presidential" way.
With leadership.
Credibility.
Intelligence.
Dignity.
Strength.
Compassion.
Vision.
And a whole lot of blessings from his supporters.

Lovely me I have the flu.
Which is actually fine as I would rather be getting better at home than trying to "Buck up" on the flight to Ethiopia.
Our neighbor came over today to be prepped on kitty and birdy care.
I finished shopping for the trip.
220 volt adapter? Check.
Baby shoes and socks? Check.
Electric socket protectors? Check.
Baby dishes that don't have obnoxious cartoons on them? Check.
Freezer food for our return home? Check.
Flip flops for the orphanage guest room (no shoes allowed)? Check.

Bubbles?

You better believe it.

Today is a wonderful day!








Mr. D came home from India and brought sweets and ganthia.
My mom called to tell me she and my youngest sister are coming to see us on Mother's day weekend! I am so pleased.
The sun is back in California. I have been gardening.
And I finished the most lovely project of all- this felted ball for Sanbate. And it only took me 10 hours.
The agency also sent 4 more pictures of Sanbate, who is a serious little child. Now that I see her I am wondering if the clothes will fit her. She is only 17 lbs. but she looks bigger in the photos.



A fun movie I found on Jack and Jill.

Tag, You are it!
Brought to us by Are We There Yet?




Groups of 4

Jobs I have had:
1. Waldorf Teacher
2. Nanny for 6 children
3. Veternary receptionist
4. Foreign Rights and Permissions Coordinator for Shambhala Publications

Movies I watch over and over:
1. Secrets and Lies
2. Its a Wonderful Life (yes I am a card carrying SAP)
3. Groundhog Day
4. The Royal Tenenbaums

Places I’ve lived:
1. East Coast (MA, NH, ME)
2. California (Berkeley)
3. Chicago(Rogers Park, Lakeview, Wicker Park and Logan Square)
4. Annandale-on-the-Hudson, NY

TV Shows I watch:
1. We
2. Don't
3. Have
4. Cable

Places I’ve Been:
1. India
2. Mexico
3. Dominican Republic
4. Ethiopia (In 9 days)

People who email me regularly:
1. My sisters
2. My husband
3. Ethiopia adoptees
4. Waldorf School colleagues


4 Favorite things to eat:
1. Salt
2. corn
3. Greens
4. Chocolate

4 Places I’d rather be:
1. Here Now
2. With my family and friends
3. With Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
4. In bed reading a good novel

Things I look forward to this year:
1. Meeting Sanbate and bringing her home
2. Moving to India and being a family that lives together
3. Being a mom And an artist
4. Getting rid of more stuff when we move

Now it is your turn, that is if you haven't been tagged yet.

NOTHING IS INSIGNIFICANT

I took notes during our 2 hour "travel meeting" with our agency today.

We will meet our child on International Women's Day.
I learned the names of the caregivers who have been looking after the children; Eskidar, Askala and Theras. The names of the drivers that will be ferrying us about; Mulat and Yonas.
1$ is equal to 9.5 birr.
The agency told us to bring between 1 and 2 thousand dollars to pay for the guest house, gifts, trip to Sidama to see birth family, and shopping.
Altitude sickness may be an issue as Addis is considered high altitude.
Emailing may have to be done late at night or early morning.
I have to think of questions for Sanbate's birth family and questions for her caregivers.
Remember to bring insect repellent, 220 volt adapter, standard polaroid film, flip flops and walking shoes.

I spoke to my friend and fellow adopting mom whose daughter is all grown now. She told me to take a lot of pictures even of things we may not see as important, like the inside of a grocery store. She couldn't emphasize more this thought to keep in mind as we travel Ethiopia,
"Nothing is insignificant".


Situations

Maybe you will enjoy the music and maybe you will see why this man, Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, founder of Art of Living is so beloved.

One of these pieces of artwork is a chalk drawing on tile done by S. Hatch in our back yard.The other is a meditation in marker on paper towel by M. Hatch.

Just in:
A letter from Paul Newell, candidate
for New York State Assembly

Senator Clinton,

Thank you for your years of hard work representing New Yorkers. I have proudly voted for you twice. Thank you as well for your hard fought Presidential campaign. American democracy, and the Democratic Party in particular, require the dynamic exchange of ideas that this primary season has brought. It has been exciting and inspiring to have a woman and a New Yorker contest the Presidency so credibly. We are a stronger nation and party for your candidacy.

But that time has past. After Senator Obama's 10 straight wins this month, no realistic path remains for you to win the nomination without thwarting the clearly expressed preference of Democratic primary

voters. While it is clearly your "right" to continue this debate until the convention, as a New Yorker and a Democrat I ask you to withdraw.

The campaign has become increasingly negative. I fear that you are permanently damaging your relationship with Senator Obama, the likely nominee of our party, and the likely next President of the United

States. Poisoning this relationship will not only harm our party, but may harm New York State as well. It may also do harm to the goals of social justice and working families for which you have worked for so many years.

In light of that, I ask you to end your candidacy for President this week. I look forward to your continued representation in the Senate. Thank you.


Sincerely,


Paul Newell

Wouldn't it be wonderful if good manners made a comeback? Can someone send this man's parents a fruit basket or something?

These primaries are killing me! I feel like I am back in school waiting for test results. There was an embarrassing moment on cnn last night with the Texas senator Kirk Watson. When asked to cite some of Barack Obama's legislative accomplishments he went blank. Poor guy. You can read about it in the blog jackandjillpolitics.

I set up the crib today, not without the occasional &*%$ but it makes our bedroom look so...domestic. It gives me a squishy feeling. And now all of Sanbate's clothes are in the drawer. After all those years of being a nanny, a day care provider and teacher, I can launder my own child's clothes.

I have been a little weepy this week, first with the Humane Society investigation and then tonite with the wrenching Israeli movie, Kadosh, starring Yael Abecassis. We rented it because she was also in the beautifully moving adoption film, To Live and Become, (about an Ethiopian boy who pretends to be Jewish to escape his ravaged country).

13 days left to do everything.
And a list to prove it. What are those things Hamish? The black ground covering you put around your garden to keep the weeds at bay? I think they are made of fiberglass. I don't know but I have got to get on the garden before the girl comes home. Our landlord is being pretty cool about letting us go month to month if we need to and I want the garden to look good for the new tenants.

There is this beautiful adoption blog called 3 continent family and the photographs in it are just... can I say it? Delicious. The blogger uses some kind of filter on her camera, probably a very commonly used device, to make her photos storybook pretty.

I just need to say it.
I love the H****'s. Melanie is gone this week and her Mr. has the flu so I invited the kids over for pancakes and a walk at Point Isabel. I knew it was a mistake to leave the camera. It was rainy and wet but they didn't care. At one point I turned around to see them, all 4 children, attached sleave to sleave (no hands showing)as one big monster.

You get extra points when you eat ALL the pancakes.

How is Obama going to win the Democratic primary? I have no idea. Although he is ahead by delegate counts, one needs 2,025 delegates to win the primary. Even if he wins the rest of the states by a healthy margin he still won't have that winning number. Maybe you politicos can help me. Is it the superdelegates that will throw him the needed numbers to get him to the magic 2,025? So, whoever is closest will get the superdelegate support?
Help me somebody.

New link added for the Ceo and President of The Humane Society below right. Why did I add this link? Without going into detail, the Humane Society investigation of the Hallmark/Westland Meat company in California and revealed heart ripping cruelty done to cows that were unable to walk to the slaughterhouse. I think it is important.

Nobel Peace prizewinner Dr.Wangari Maathai speaks about Resources and Conflict.

The second sock has finally joined the first today.
Mr. D was given the first for Christmas and now his gift is complete. The question still remains whether he will wear them.
But more important to me, I know how to knit socks!

LANGUAGE is a powerful tool:

"At First Baptist Church of DeKalb, members passed out red ribbons to several dozen people who attended a morning service. The Rev. Joe Sanders offered prayers for the families of victims and relatives of the gunman who killed five students and wounded 16 other people in a lecture hall Thursday before taking his own life."

FAMILIES of victims and RELATIVES of the gunman.
Family implies people that love you and care for you.
Relative implies only that you were legally tied to another by name.

Until we can change this kind of thinking-that we are not responsible for each other (strangers and friends alike) we will continue to experience these kinds of tragedies.
Blame Divides.
We must learn to belong before we can conquer alienation.
I believe it is the thoughts of "I am alone" that lead to these acts of violence. I look at myself when I am committing small acts of violence (on the road, in the grocer's) and I recognise that I am acting out of an impulse of disconnection.

I want to make life easier for others, even people I don't know.
Even people who don't think like me.
This is my prayer.

Shoes for Horizon House

My bud Melanie and I have been gathering donations and supplies for a project, (woven bag shown here) to offer to the waiting children at the orphanage. I am going to need to make the cardboard "looms" and draw out instructions as these children don't speak much english. I hope this little handwork project is fun for them.

We are also bringing beeswax and kite paper for stars, just in case.

Happy Valentine's Day!
My two loves are in Ethiopia
and India.
I hope they are having a heart day.

Last night before turning in I checked my email just to see if the early birds at the US Embassy in Ethiopia had responded to my plea and lo and behold. They had! Our V37 isn't lost after all.
Roller.
Coast.
Her.

Hello Representative Miller,
We know you are busy so we will keep this short.
We are adopting our FIRST child from Ethiopia and our V37 visa has not arrived at the US Embassy in Addis Ababa,Ethiopia.
The National Visa Center has informed us that it WAS sent on February 6, 2008.
We are scheduled to fly on March 6 but we cannot adopt our child (we have been waiting for 17 months) without this confirmation.

Our agency is not able to step in to this governmental matter but has suggested to us that perhaps you can.

Thank you for your time,

*****************************
Here is the email we received:

Dear Family:
I wanted to inform you of a situation that needs your immediate attention. The US Embassy in Ethiopia has informed us that they have NOT received your updated fingerprint clearance. We do understand that you have had your fingerprints recently updated AND that the new approval (called a V 37 cable) should have been sent from the NVC (national visa center) in New Hampshire to the US Embassy in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. The problem is that the US Embassy in Ethiopia is stating that they have NOT received confirmation of this amended V 37 cable for your family.

Why is this important? The US Embassy in Ethiopia will not issue the visa for your Ethiopian child unless they have this cable for your family. This would then mean that a family would need to either delay travel to Ethiopia OR understand the possibility of an extended stay in Ethiopia.

What now? The agency has emailed the US Embassy to ask them if the cable has arrived for your family. Unfortunately, we have not had a response from them. Therefore in order to prevent any delays, we would like to recommend that you take the following actions:

Contact the NVC in NH immediately and request that they please recable your approval and fingerprint clearance as soon as possible to the US Embassy in Ethiopia. Please ensure that you ask them for your case number AND the date that the cable was resent to Ethiopia.

Did this.

Send an email to the US Embassy in Ethiopia. Please provide them with your family name, your date of travel and appointment at the US Embassy. Please ask them to check the status on the amended V 37 cable that was sent from the NVC for your family. If you have your case number (the NVC can give you this number) and the date the new approval was cabled, please include this info in the email.

Did this.

You may also want to contact your local Congressman to advocate on your behalf w/the NVC.

See letter above.

WASHINGTON - The Senate has joined the House in voting to prohibit the CIA from using waterboarding and other harsh interrogation methods.

The Senate approved an intelligence bill Wednesday that restricts the CIA to the 19 interrogation techniques outlined in the Army field manual. That manual prohibits waterboarding, a technique that makes a suspect feel he is drowning.

CIA Director Michael Hayden has said waterboarding may not be legal under current law. President Bush has threatened to veto any bill that limits CIA interrogation techniques.

If P.Bush thinks waterboarding isn't torture why doesn't he try it out for size and be the judge?

The doctor's appointment has been made for our return.
All the paperwork we need to submit to the Ethiopian embassy is complete.
Our home study agency has sent all the readoption paperwork necessary to finalize the US readoption.
Our landlord has agreed to extend our lease in case we need more time.
Have I forgotten anything?

I purchased a car seat today. I chose the type and brand on the advisement of my youngest sister, who is the pro in matters of children and children's products. I say this in seriousness as she is a school social worker, mother of 2 and was a co-worker of mine at a home day care.

She is someone I like to talk to about raising children, which is I admit my favorite subject. Perhaps it is hers as well. I also spoke to my mom and oldest sister in Maine yesterday about buying clothes for our long but underweight child.

You know, I felt somehow included in our family circle for the first time. I finally had a reason to discuss mothering with my mother and sisters. Not that my longtime teaching and caregiving experience didn't count. It is just different.

And I like it.
I YIKE it mummy.

Today we received our travel dates:
We leave for Ethiopia late on March 6 and arrive Saturday morning March 8! It is a 23 hour journey and Addis is 11 hours ahead of us so...

My trembling hands and racing mind can't stop to believe we are moving closer and closer to Sanbate.

We will have one week to start our relationship in Addis Ababa before we take her away from her country, her understanding of life. I am so sad for her and so excited for us.
Is this feeling even possible?

Here is my first Youtube video.
I made it after I got home from dropping Mr. D off at the airport. We were supposed to be flying to Ethiopia today to visit Sanbate but instead he is gone to India for 3 weeks. It is a gorgeous day here, warm and sunny, which makes it worse for missing Mr. D and Sanbate.

Hatchje's new bag.
My design.
Wide eyes in class 3.
"You made that!"
"I did."

Hilary Clinton better back off the "superdelegate" count.

Pledged delegates are those won in primaries and caucuses. Superdelegates are party big-shots. Superdelegates are designed to protect front-runners and make sure dark horses don’t run away with things.

Superdelegates grow in number as the party gets more successful: They include all Democratic members of Congress, members of the Democratic National Committee, Democratic governors.

They also are the party warhorses and include “all former Democratic presidents, all former Democratic vice presidents, all former Democratic leaders of the U.S. Senate, all former Democratic speakers of the U.S. House of Representatives and Democratic minority leaders, as applicable, and all former chairs of the Democratic National Committee.”

Being a superdelegate is usually just a way of getting to go to the convention, cast a meaningless vote and have a good time.

But that could change this year.

And that’s because superdelegates make up one-fifth of all the delegates at the convention, and this year they could determine the nominee.

Full article here.

The system of superdelegates was invented not just to reward party fatcats, but to make sure “fairness” did not get out of hand.

HA HA HA the Gods are having a hootenanny with us!
We just received word that Sanbate's adoption will be finalized within the next day or two. Which means we WON'T be travelling to Ethiopia this weekend and we WON'T be getting the IR3 visa.

This doesn't necessarily mean that we will be travelling within the next month to bring Sanbate home because California's CIS cable did not go through on the first sending.

MERCY!

Poor Mr.D had purchased his plane tickets through work and they are non-refundable.

There is a mumps epidemic at the orphanage and we are feeling a little paranoid now that they have called off our trip. Did they push the case through just so we wouldn't come out? Were they worried about the legal implications if we came down with the mumps and became very sick?


HA HA HA!

I went to vote this morning and the ballot box got jammed.

And no one is calling us back from the adoption agency.

WE are getting the distinct feeling that many people don't really understand that adoption is "having a baby". That the process of adoption is as fraught with pain and difficulties as childbirth. That sometimes you will be unavailable or need to change your schedule at a moments notice.

But if my husband told his new colleagues and boss at work that I was pregnant and due next month they would understand completely and give him all the room and allowances possible.

Instead, they just conveniently "forgot" that we are in this adoption process and became upset today because Mr. D is flying into a "Not safe for business travel" zone.

One who adopts must be in a constant state of vigilence, educating people whether they care or not. Like those that have different physical needs-

Today I had tea with a friend who is deaf, and has a severe physical ailment that is not always active. When she lived out east she had a collie that was a certified assist dog.She was very well known in the community and didn't have to explain herself when she went into shops or needed to take time off. She misses this and is planning on training her sheltie puppy to get certified.

People who are adopting need this sort of thing- a button or something that says, "I am going far away very soon to bring home our child from ***". That way if people want to discuss it they can, if not they will notice the pin and keep it in mind.

I believe in Obama. I am trusting that, yes we can make sacrifices too as Obama clearly suggests. And that those that are on fire with his words will continue to carry the flame when we are slogging through the work of repairing the damages brought on by the current administration.

Here we come Addis Ababa!
There you are
waiting for us.
Children of this earth
Soon we will carry one of your own.

And never before have we seen this homeland.
And never before have taken such risks of the heart.
For surely we will be touched and moved by the pulse of yours.
Ethiopia.

****************************************
We have booked flights to Ethiopia for Saturday the 9th, flying from San Francisco to Washington, DC to to Rome and then to Addis Ababa arriving Sunday night. We plan to visit with Sanbate on the following Monday-Thursday.

I am going to bring some crafts as well for the older children; clay, beeswax, kite-paper for making stars, weaving boards. We won't be bringing the fine child home with us this trip but soon (next month?) we will. yes, say it is so.

I will return home on the 15th and Mr.D will travel on to Bangalore returning home at month's end.

>

My friend Melanie is a marvel.




She started the Abundance Committee at the school just by inspiring others with her positivity. The kindergarten has been expressing their need for funds for doll and puppet making and voila! Melanie gathered together a group of women to make table puppets. If you know me, I am ALL OVER the puppets. In my first class we spent three quarters of a year making marionettes for our Ramayana puppet play. So, of course I was glad to help make puppets at the school.
30+ puppets made and counting!


Here are the lady puppets I am working on. I am keeping the one dressed elegantly in red.

This entire blog post is lifted with permission from the blogger
No Sleep Til Mysore

FAIR IS FOUL
AND FOUL IS FAIR







The Washington Post recently ran a piece called, "In India's huge marketplace, fair skin sells."

It discusses how Eastern European models with dark hair and light skin are being featured in Indian adverts.


"Indians have a longing for that pure, beautiful white skin. It is too deep-rooted in our psyche," said Enakshi Chakraborty, who heads Eskimo India, a modeling agency that brings East European models here. "Advertisers for international as well as Indian brands call me and say, 'We are looking for a gori [Hindi for white] model with dark hair.' Some ask, 'Do you have white girls who are Indian-looking?' They want white girls who suit the Indian palate."

Indians' color fixation is also evident in classified newspaper ads and on Web sites that help arrange marriages. The descriptive terms used for skin color run the gamut: "very fair," "fair," "wheat-ish," "wheat-ish-medium," "wheat-ish-dark," "dark" and "very dark."

Family elders here commonly comment on a newborn baby's color, after checking out the gender. One of the best-selling skin creams in India is called Fair & Lovely. A men's version, Fair and Handsome, was launched last year.

"The Indian mind-set prefers light skin. My pictures are routinely Photoshopped to make me look a bit lighter -- a lot lighter, actually," Riya Ray, 23, a dark-skinned Indian model, said with a laugh. "But when I work in Britain and France, my color is praised as exotic. It is a two-way trend: Indian models are going abroad, and foreign models are coming here."


I can't help but think of Raj, from my first trip in India back in 2002.

He made frequent trips between Mysore and Bangalore on his silver Honda Hero Super Special motorcycle, and was seriously thinking about getting a helmet.

To protect your head? I asked.

"No, Cadda. To protect face from sun."

Huh?

"So I do not become too dark."

Even Desi TJ - who's lived here for eight years - was concerned last month that his skin looked darker after two months in the Subcontinental sun.

Silly man. Doesn't he know that gori girls dig that sh-t?

Apparently not.

It looks like we will travel out to Addis during the second weekend in February.If Sanbate's adoption is finalized before that, we will save the flight for when we travel her home in March.

Seeing her
sitting there
will be such a feast.
Leaving her there will be an impossible puzzle
but every moment can't be defined.
Let time make us hers.

If she uses it,
it ain't landfill.

Did you notice the cloth diaper and plastic "drop in" bottle liners?
A little contradictory ay?
My excuse is that we will be doing a lot of traveling and uh... how to disinfect the bottle?
You ask, "How to clean the diaper?"
I confess I will be buying "landfill" diapers for travel.