Hope Chapel in Bangalore and my sermon for Sunday
CAUTION: RELIGIOUS CONTENT

This morning I went with a fellow volunteer to her church, the Hope Chapel in Bangalore. Every christian church I have visited around the world does it differently. Isn't that wonderful?!

The service was lovely and there was a band that helped us sing all the songs, in english. There was an electric guitarist, sax player, drummer, back up singers, lead singer and a screen that showed the words to the devotional songs.
For some strange reason all the songs sounded like christian versions of The Flaming Lips'. This made it really fun to sing along. And I did my best to rock out. I even added some harmony and variations. In this church calling out, "Amen!" or singing outside the verse is ok.

The pastor is a small sof-spoken man who preached today on the meaning of the slaughtered lamb during passover. He spoke about sin and here is where I got lost. You see, I don't believe people are sinners. I believe we make mistakes because we forget that we are divine beings. I think every human has a shadow, (The Wizard of Earthsea portrays this beautifully), and that we do not lose our shadow even if we are "good" we just get better at forgiveness, gratitude, generosity and tolerance. This makes our shadow less likely to assert itself.

I myself am constantly fighting with my shadow, which makes me a "sinner". I am learning to forgive myself, (and in turn others). I am learning to be thankful, (which helps me to avoid depression). I am learning to be generous (which somehow lessens my desire for things). And my tolerance is beginning to grow. This helps me to forgive myself for not being perfect in my thoughts, emotions and actions.

An enlightened guru once said, "You are perfect as you are. You just need a little work."

After seeing the Golden Globes I have decided to give my own awards based on all the movies I have rented trying to stay sane. Now, unfortunately my picks are based on movies I was able to rent. There were many movies I requested that I could not watch because they were not subtitled or they were dubbed (which I cannot enjoy).

Here is a list of movies I was able to rent that I would give 4 or 5 stars out of 5 stars.

Seven Samurai (1954)

Shoot the Piano Player (1960)
Irma La Douce (1963)
Bullit(1968)

Don (1978)

Missing (1982)

Leaving Las Vegas (1995)
Chungking Express (1996)

There Will be Blood (2007)
Michael Clayton (2007)


Superbad (2007)
Get Smart (2008)

The BFT World's best actor award was extremely difficult to choose because I was torn between George Clooney's magnetic up to the last minute moments in the film “ Michael Clayton” and the character portrayal of Mr. Plainview in “There Will be Blood” by Daniel Day-Lewis which haunted me for weeks. While I think Clooney's role was (by necessity) more subtle, I think the powerful gestures and voice of Day-Lewis rightfully earned him the Golden Globe and Oscar that year. Also, any role that can be expressed as both evil and tender is vastly interesting to me and DDL went full throttle. Incidentally, after the 2007 Oscars George Clooney, Javier Bardem, Daniel Day-Lewis and the actor, James McAvoy, who played the doctor opposite Forest Whitaker's Idi Amin, went out together and all of the men agreed it was Javier that was the superior actor. I disagree. I actually don't think the role he played in No Country for Old Men was an important one. I think the Cohen brothers already made their statement about heartlessness and bravery in the face of it in Fargo. Enough already!

Best supporting actor has to go to one of my favorite Japanese actors, Toshirô Mifune, who makes me giddy when I watch him. I think all my brother Jonathan has to do is see every Akira Kurosawa movie that this actor has been in to agree with me. (Jon, if you are reading this try to see Seven Samurai, Red Beard, Hidden Fortress, Ikiru and Throne of Blood.) But I want everyone to know that I think Tom Wilkinson is easily a winner here (and he is still alive) and I was really spooked by his role in Michael Clayton, (also In the Bedroom). I haven't seen the John Adams movie but since I also really admire the work of Paul Giamatti, and Laura Linney it has got to be good.

Best actress is more difficult because the roles tend to be more limited. In fact, looking over my list of movies I am not struck by one single actress. Is this why women tend to be bad tippers? We are a bad audience for women? OK I will have to say that Faye Wong (Chungking Express) was my favorite although I thought Elisabeth Shue (Leaving Las Vegas) was excellent. It is just that Leaving Las Vegas was such a downer. I mean it really put me in a sad place for a while and I just can't congratulate anyone for making me feel worse than I already do living here in this heartbreaking country. Faye Wong made me happy, her character bouncing around the fast food joint listening at full volumeto “California Dreamin'” by the Mommas and the Poppas. Faye Wong is also credited in the soundtrack for singing two songs in the movie. One is a cover of a Cocteau Twins song. OK. She is a cool lady.

So I guess I only have a few choices for best supporting actress but it easily goes to Tilda Swinton although I have misgivings. You see, every role I have seen her in she has been introspective. Is this Tilda or is she going for subtlety? Anyway, she was totally real in her portrayal of a corporate cannibal who is also human and begs us to ask the question, “What is the price these sharks pay for their utter lack of compassion?”

I want to add here that there are many fabulous actresses out there. For some reason I have not been able to secure any good “Chic flics” since arriving. I am going to mention the actress Oksana Akinshina in “Lilja 4ever” who was absolutely breathtaking in another cruelly depressing movie which takes place in Estonia and Sweden. If I had seen this movie in India I would be giving her any possible awards.

I also want to mention Amitabh Bachchan because his Don is so much better and cooler than Shah Rukh Khan's Don. This is because Chandra Barot's 1978 Don is set in the seventies and is superfly like Curtis Mayfield. Even the music is filled with lots of wah wah petal and of course Amitabh is unusual in that he can get away with being a total fool (really stupid!) AND a superb stud (He Is The Man).

Best Picture goes without any hesitation to Seven Samurai. Also best Director to Akira Kurosawa. The plot is like a sad fairy tale. A village discovers that bandits will pillage their town after the harvest and are so poor all they can offer the 7 samurai who come to their aid is food. The performances are glorious. The battle scenes are stunning. The hand to hand combat is wonderful. The dialog and characters are archetypal and the framing makes the movie a real timeless painting of the human being in moments of agony and honor. When we go to Singapore I am going to purchase all the Kurosawa movies I can.

Best Chase scene goes to Bullit (Directed by Peter Yates) without a doubt. Has anyone noticed how much Daniel Craig (the new Bond) looks like Steve McQueen? I say keep those eyes away from me! Blinding!I. Am. Help. Less.

Most Silly goes to Superbad (Directed by Greg Mottola) altho' sometimes that goofiness was more like low humor (see Austin Powers) but I enjoyed it much more than I thought. I admit that Seth Rogen (who played one of the cops and co-wrote the screenplay) has talent and I will join the masses who can't get enough of the sweetest of all white boys, Michael Cera. He was in one of my favorite movies, Juno, playing a similar role but who cares. We want to scoop him up and give him a scholarship or something.

OK!
Enough Already!
Hey, if you read this entire review you just got awarded Most Patient Reader! How about that?!

Since Hemanshu has been travelling so much we have a new schedule in the morning to which Sanbate is agreable. We sit for a while in bed with a bottle and a toy/book (some zzz for me). We go downstairs with laundry and start a load, (she helps). We go for a run (with a 7 grain cookie!!!), we make coffee/chai and eggs and oatmeal, wash dishes together, I shower while she reads or plays in the bathroom, we brush our teeth and get dressed.

All this by 9 am.




One of my friends in California (who has 4 children) told me her pediatrician advised her to give her children sugar when they were sick. At the time she ignored his words but later found this prescription helpful. Last week when Sun-booty had a slight fever and a cold I gave her the rare lollipop. I think maybe this advice works for children that don't eat refined sugar regularly, not the average child who eats it all day long. Sugar gives you a little boost and maybe that is just the thing to help your immune system launch itself into balance.

She is almost 2.
What does she do?

She goes to school one day a week and learns new songs (which she sings when she is at home).
She plays with play dough and paints.
She likes her new hot wheel cars and loves how easy it is to make them go on marble floors.
She dances with her doll at night with her dad.
She reads her books and the newspaper when she has time.
She rides Bob the bike and slides on the slide.
She cleans the dishes, scrubs the counters and sweeps.

Her element at this point in time is Water.
Her favorite chant is, "Mama, Dada, baby!"

She makes it fun.
Even the day to day things we do.
Are different every day.
Peeking at me in the shower.
And squealing.
Something is hilarious!

She calls out "Mama?"
As if she has a question or something to say.
And I respond "Yes, Baby!"
Only to repeat herself again, "Mama?"

New Year!
Happy?
We try!

I just got off the phone from my mom in Maine. She was over at my sister's because she had lost electricity due to the ice storm. I told her, "Now you know how it feels."

Sanbate has grown into her Ethiopian dresses and looks so regal!

Father D is in Singapore and is trying to find a way to move us their. Cross your fingers. If he does it will be a very merry Christmas indeed.

Sanbate started school one day a week (with me) and wakes up singing;
jingle bells, baa baa black sheep, eensy weensy spider, mary had a little lamb, back in black,
well o.k. maybe not the last one.
Subbu brought her a lovely Hohner c harmonica with which she jams out regularly and impressed our friends last Sunday.

She has also started painting and I am happy to see she spends time really experiencing it instead of one quick stroke and then done.

Today we started dredding her hair and managed one lollipop's worth of dreds-
about 40, (that is, after one lollipop I had to stop because she started weepin' and a walin').

I have worked too hard for this blog to give it up now it is just difficult to post to two blogs at this time, with the move to India and mommyhood being what it is right now, (Hi one year olds!)

So I post a photo of us with good vibes to those who check this blog occasionally.

Our marble floors are now mostly covered. Boxes still need to be unpacked but it is slowly happening.

Drishtee


In India when a woman is pregnant the family hires a pujari (priest) or healer to perform a ritual of cleansing the drishtee that she has accumulated because of all the people staring at her and her belly.

I think that there should be someone to help us with our excess drishtee too. I don't think it is good, (all the glowering) and I wish we could do something about it.

I want to yell out at the men who stare, "NO DRISHTEE! Nora Beta!"
Translated, "No intrusive staring energy, Don't look at me!"
Perhaps I can get someone to spell it out in Kannada for me and I will design a t-shirt.

These ladies sit on the lawns digging out weeds and cutting grass by hand with small clippers.

We went swimming today and played with three girls (two her age) and I was really surprised to see that the other two are more agressive and physically confident than Sanbate. She grew tired of their pushing here and there after 20 minutes and eventually settled in my arms.

"TA ta" She says, which means "See you later" in Hindi, when she is ready to go.

She did a nice face plant at the club in the afternoon when she lost her balance but seemed to recover quickly. My mind went straight to, "Tetanus?" It is more of a gravel scrape than a cut so I don't think I should worry. I gave her arnica and put anti-bacterial cream on it.

Sanbate is back into the books again. When we get our printer I can finally make her book of family and favorite things. It looks like since our shipment is in Chennai, we will soon have our "stuff".

I am thinking about making this blog invitation only. Or starting a new blog. I think it is time.

Petitioning the Lord

Today was the worst so far.
The details of events can only be expressed to those most intimately involved (read spouse and/or REALLY good friend).

I am petitioning the lord
right now.
Refraining from judgment yet offering myself up to the ones who are thinking of me and our baby now.
It is as bad as you might imagine. Items below are secondary to the fact that I am not 100% and therefore at odds with India and motherhood.

Our maid believes she can get more money because I am white. In fact. She thinks she can make twice the amount of what most people make here because of this fact. This she confirmed in a conversation when I told her how upset I was. “But madam, they are Indian families.” We have given her a week to finish up and then we must let her go. Sanbate has really grown to like her and trust her. This is really hard on all of us. Who will help “move the dirt around” when she finishes the week?
Several people have come today for the job wanting half days with full pay. It is quite disheartening. I guess my ancestors were especially oppressive.

I have an Air Tel cell phone which needs to be periodically prepaid. I was completely dumb to the fact that I was running low on minutes, that is until my dear H left the country. Our driver, Suresh, came on his day off to straighten this whole thing out. I am now fully charged but now savvy about this (f***** up) system. What is wrong with sending a bill for minutes used?

This is forgiveness
when you can account for the scars
and keep the girl
from blaming herself for your own
bad choices,
(artistic leanings snuffed).
She is just trying to stretch out
into her first year.

Is the world a beautiful place?

I want to believe,
despite my shortcomings,
YES!

HELLO RAIN.
i FEEL U PUSHING THROUGH.
i CAN SEE THE LEAVES DIPPING DOWN FROM THE WEIGHT OF YOU.
i TURN AWAY FROM THE WINDOW
TO KEEP THOSE OUTSIDE
FROM WITNESSING
MORE RAIN
DRIPPING DOWN
THE LEAVES OF MY FACE
MY NECK
MY UNHAPPY SOUL

BUT RAIN,
YOU DON'T MIND.

The beautful and always changing face of our scrumptious girl pictured here proudly eating all by herself and earlier in Mysore struggling to find something TO DO!

Friends bring you hair garlands made from Jasmine flowers. No really! They do! And they walk into the market alone, with no fear. The REAL market behind the buildings where the locals do business and they buy flowers wrapped in leaves. And sweets. And sesame tahini. And pack them on their scooter and drive them over to your overpriced hotel room. Yes. That is what friends do.



And when you act like a fool at the Mysore Palace after
all the lovely things they brought for you, they forgive you and forget all about it.

Lots of things to write but not a lot of free time.
We went to two play groups this week. Both were crazy chaotic- I was fondly remembering my colleagues in the early childhood at the waldorf school and thinking how nicely they were able to harness the wild child energy. Moms are fabulous here! They are very welcoming and I haven't felt the need to assert my righteous teacher thoughts upon any of them. So far the families I have met are from England, Germany, Finland, China, India, Canada, France and Spain.

Tomorrow we drive to Mysore to visit C who had a minor (but painful) scootie accident. She had train tickets to come out to us but we decided to postpone that trip so that we could come out as a family. Mr. D travels soon (back to the states) so this is a good opportunity.

We will stay at the Metropole.

It is hard to believe some of the press articles in the Times India. Is this whole Obama's "long lost brother" bit for real? It is hard to take all the spin these days.

Another interesting bit of news. People in Pune (near Bombay) were called in the middle of the night by superstitious relatives telling them not to sleep, (due to unprecidented number of people in the city dying in their sleep). Many stayed up through the night.
Reasons for death?
Astrological.

Poems from far away people



How do you share an empty house with only
gleaming marble floors
and a kitchen in which one camps
but does not cook?

There is a synthetic persian rug,
a fuschia yoga mat
and a mattress on the floor.

The child plays with clothing tags
and boxes
and cell phones
that can no longer be used.

Excitement!
The water has arrived
And the internet,
My life is saved.

We are out of formula
and worse, coffee beans.
Ah, the fascination with those
who lack the good fortune
to taste blueberries, raspberries,
ANY BERRIES!

School children pass by
in their uniforms and white sox,
elderly women in saris
laboring under heavy burdens
adjust their scarves.

What is a convection oven?
What can I bake at 250 degrees?

Two letters arrive
from overseas on the same day.
Colorful cards with long, hand-written messages enclosed.
Proof that I am here
at a 7 line address
needing 94 cents in stamps
for a letter which arrives two weeks later
at our echoing home.

Sister

Why is it

the closer I need you

the farther away you go?



It was Chicago before,

then you came back east

here first,

then New Hampshire

Boston

And California

home again



The pictures that you sent

are fading now,

day by day

Sanbate fades

to amber


I keep checking

my email

are you there yet?

Have you arrived in the land

of fables

and myths


India.



Can you get any further away?

One Corner of my Dad's shop.
These poor clocks will never be lovingly touched by my dad again. What will happen to them now? I miss my dad more than I ever thought I would when he was here among us. It almost seems like now that Dad is gone he is closer than ever. I am envious of my siblings who live near his clocks and things. The smell of the basement workshop would be a nice dad fix for me right now.

THANK GOD ITS INDIAN!!!
wHEN you don't have furniture or toys you improvise with medical tape, egg cartons and leftover blue stickies. Or better yet, empty water bottles.





I don't think I will call the snake catcher although supposedly the snakes here are poisonous. If I die of a snake bite I think it is auspicious as I am born in the year of the snake and I speak parseltongue. Ask me about my snake story.






This is the map I made after going around with Malini who was our relocation expert. I am not going to go negative but she didn't do diddly.

The current administration in Bangalore has decided that drinking and dancing don't mix. They have enacted a law that bans the two together in one club. Also all nightclubs must now close at 11 pm. Bangalore is an international city known for its nightlife and the locals and foreigners are in an uproar.

This god figure overlooks our veranda. Who is it?

August 16

More Mysore sweets!!! Special Mysore Pak from C. We are now addicted.
And kitty girl smells the ghee, yum.

Why do I feel especially guilty for wanting some personal time? Is it because I think my daughter who is adopted should never sense that I don't want to be with her? I do feel I am wrong for getting upset when she exhausts me. It doesn't help when I think, “Well, you signed on for this.” The problem isn't me, or my cranky daughter but we won't delve into this.

My friend is out visiting another mom who has an adopted baby here in India. Mine is napping so we are here waiting for the Internet dude to come and get us back on line. After two weeks of promises from the government network system to show up and connect our Internet we went with a local guy who could come right away and was cheaper. Unfortunately, it is not working and he will have to come back to solve the problem.

We went for a quick dip in the pool and lunch. Sadly, the water was a bit cold for the baby (and me too) and she was not really enjoying herself as much as she has because of her sore teething gums. The food at the club is quite good, especially all the Indian fare. They make dosas in the evening and I suspect they are good. I am looking forward to trying them out. One of the American kids played with us for a little while. She is a natural with babies and has a nice temperament. I haven't had the chance to chat with her mom.

The plumber came today to fix our water heater. It seems the downstairs water is scalding and the upstairs water is tepid. After replacing all the washers on the heater pipes because they were burnt out the plumber told Mr. D that we can't leave the water heaters on or it will cause damage. This was a piece of information that would have been helpful.

We aren't able to get any international papers yet but I am really not ready to give up. India Times is really not a very good paper but it is fine for local stuff. I had hoped for more world coverage and less glamor. I guess the web will have all the information I need.

Tonight H will go to the ashram for satsang which starts after 7 pm. Us chickens will stay home and mind the marble floors

What do you do with a one year old on a Friday night? Give them a bucket and all is made right.

August 15
India's Independents Day

I am still looking for a good video/music/book store. I might have to go to the next town. There are absolutely no walking parks nearby. Only in Bangalore. We have our water delivered and the newspaper (India Times) will be delivered tomorrow.

Yesterday we went to the Police Commissioner's Office to register as resident foreigners. Getting into town was a real crazy traffic nightmare. We got stuck on MG road which has major construction of the new Metro train. Think Big Dig.

This morning Sanbate led us to the playground and Emma's family. Emma is just in from London and has twin three year olds and a baby girl Sanbate's age. We also met Anuja, her husband and son who is the same age as our baby. Anuja has been living in Palm Meadows since before her son was born and she has also lived in San Francisco AND Boston and the midwest. Both ladies seem very nice. Their husbands also.

Friend C comes again today! For two nights! We will pick her up at the local station instead this time and hope that she is able to make the connection at Bangalore.

I watched the rest of Deewar last night with Amitab Bachan and Shashi Kapoor. Altho' it is quite melodramatic and old (with really fake blood) I enjoyed the story line- Two brothers on either side of the law, fighting for their heroic mother's love. As much as I like Shashi, Amitab is peerless.

The stream of my consciousness during our crazy move to India.
We are finally online!!!!!

August 2
I am sitting upstairs in our new house in a suburb of Bangalore in an empty room while Sanbate cries downstairs. It is 11pm and she will most likely be up for a few hours as that has been her pattern. She has jet lag on top of her fitful sleep it is no good. I am typing on my computer which has only a little bit of battery charge left as we don't have adapters- Mr. assured me the house was set up with several western style outlets. But he was mistaken.

We arrived yesterday from Frankfurt having been delayed a day due to a missed flight ( our second stop in Chicago departed two hours late and we did not make the flight out of Frankfurt). It looked grim because of a Lufthansa strike, they are the only airline that allows cats. All planes flying to India were fully booked. We had no choice but to put ourselves on the waiting list and check ourselves into the Sheridan at the Frankfurt Airport. This was paid for by United Airlines, who made us late in the first place.

When we went up to our room and opened the door we could see that the room had not been cleaned. When we called down to reception they told us we would have to come down to the lobby again until they sorted it out. Sanbate was bobbing in and out of sleep. We had two cats. And two bags and a car seat. I entered the reception area with an explosion and asked, “What is going on!!!!” I then asked them why a porter had not been sent to help us up to our room or back down again. “Is it because of the way we look?” They apologized (amid smirks at the drama of it) and later sent us a basket of fruit.

That night we were confirmed on the next non-stop to Bangalore via Lufthansa.
The next morning we overslept and made a mad dash to the airport. We went to the gate and it had been changed, (to the other side of the airport).

We finally made it (25 minutes later because we had to go through security twice) and as they were boarding us the flight attendant said, “One of you has been bumped up to Business class.” We told them we wanted to stay together in economy. They put us all in Business, (even though their policy is no cats in Business).

I just helped Mr. D move a mattress upstairs so he can sleep- as the baby still cries. She is a tenacious crier, and seems to do it with Mucho Mucho Gusto.

I will take a shower and hope they both sleep.

August 3
Tonite we ate at a fine Indian restaurant. There were live musicians playing popular hindi songs in the form of gazals. The baby fell into a deep sleep in her chair and we were able, for the first time it seemed, to eat and socialize with the people we were dining with.

Aug. 4
Husband worked late tonite and the baby and I went to the clubhouse, (which is part of our “community”) to play in the playroom. This is the only place where she can play freely and safely. A little toddler named Peter became enamored of her and began to chase her around the room trying to steal a hug or pat or kiss. At first our girl tolerated it and then she grew impatient and began to cry in frustration as he was making her fall and keeping her from playing. We had to put a restraining order on him.

We came home and ate my first home cooked meal since we arrived; veggie channa masala with brown rice. Our kitchen window looks out onto our street and the baby loves to watch as she eats. While it is a quiet street, there are always children walking or riding by and excitement (women carrying large bundles of branches or a man bicycling with a yellow lawnmower for example).

The last few nights she has been falling asleep without worry and tonite she is finally camped out in her permanent room. We founds some “ready made” blue curtains for her room which keep it dark when the they are drawn.

Our villa has marble floors, a lovely veranda off our bedroom and 3 full baths. There are some funny things about it tho' like the toilet seats which are all rickety and uncomfortable and no basement (no storage). We don't know what we are going to do with our bikes, and gardening/outdoor/hardware stuff. It may have to go on the roof. The screens on the windows are Velcro around the edges so you have do undo them to open windows.

We have a driver and a house cleaner who both seem competent and reliable. I am still overwhelmed by the lack of personal time. I savor these moments after the girl falls asleep. It feels like a mini vacation. I realize everything will always change and soon she will be more independent. This moving around has been a strain on her and with the teething and jet lag etc. She has a reason to be cranky. I just wish it didn't make me crazy.

She has developed this shrill squeal that she unloads when she wants something she can't have. It triggers in me some wild lion momma instincts and I just want to swipe her with my paw. Instead I sit her down and firmly say “no” which makes her even more angry. I guess I could distract her with something else but that always seemed dishonest to me. Why not let your baby face the facts? Some things are off limits. I guess you could say I am working through this one.

The cats have been sleeping with us through the night. This is not the norm for Sissy but they have both been staying close since we arrived. Sissy is also eager to go back out onto the veranda but when she went out for the first time we had a hard time getting her back. She went out on the roof (on the tiles) and then onto the eaves. I believe she would have stayed out all night as she did in Ohio but for my insistent calling.

August 4
Husband went to Singapore tonite and I did not want to sleep so instead read Jon K.'s sensationalistic book on fundamentalist Mormons. I don't know if I should believe it as it seems so unreal and crazy AND I have close friends and family members who are Mormon. The baby woke up just as I was falling asleep at 11pm. She came to bed with me and slept reluctantly doing her thrashing business first. Mind you we went swimming and to the playroom before dinner which should have tired her out. Well, on the upside I didn't get angry at her.

August 5
I wish we were online. The internet dudes persist in giving us false dates for hook up. Why do they do that here? Why not just say, “We are booked solid for the next two weeks. We will come on this date and no later.”? I found out yesterday there is a yahoo group for mothers in this community. As soon as I am able to get access I will be able to find out what activities are available for our girl.



We now have a washing machine. Yay! But will never have a drier. :( Clothes are hung from a drying rack that has a pulley system which hugs the ceiling as the clothes dry. It is at the top of the stairway so one has to be extra careful of wet marble stairs. Also when the electricity goes out (which happens every other day)our generator is only capable of powering small appliances and lights, not the washer, AC, fridge, or convection/microwave oven.

Girl fell asleep at 9am this morning. I wonder if this means we are back to two naps or what???

We have a land line and a dorky retro (80's) phone. In addition to this line we will have our Vonage phone (with our old number folks) and our respective cell phones.

August 6
We have had a power outage since 8 this morning. No wash today. There is a little 15 month old red-head who lives here and she was in attendance today in the playroom. She is doing all the same things baby girl is doing; pushing furniture around, climbing and sliding with recklessness, rocking things, playing chase, and teething like crazy.

Today is another two nap day. Last night was a good sleep night for girl but unfortunately Sissy decided it was her turn and she meowed all night. When I came downstairs in the morning I noticed there was no cat food out.

Long time friend from Diner days is studying in Mysore and will be coming tomorrow for a quick visit and then at the end of the month for a longer one. I am really looking forward to it.

Husband comes home from Singapore tonite.

August 7
Yesterday we had a peeping Tom in our downstairs french windows. He was young (17?) tall with bad posture and a red shirt. I called out to him, “Can I help you?” and he said something like, “No ma'am you don't have to come to the door...” as he ran quickly away. This makes me anxious. But honestly, I am in the midst of a paranoia fest. Per usual the manual laborer men give me dirty looks. But strangely their female counterparts do not. Our driver and cleaning person are very kind to us and the baby so... I feel I need to investigate this matter.

My long time friend comes today!!!
I was going to go pick her up but the driver told us that it is a long drive to the central Bangalore station (one and a half hours) and that the express train isn't always punctual. So we decided to send the driver (Suresh) ahead with my friend's cell number and description.

My blessed, saintly H brought two bottles of Laphroaig home last night. The sight of them, I confess, made me feel deliciously joyful. For those that don't know, this particular single malt has a particular smoky flavor I love AND since I have been enjoying it for many years, is no small comfort. This didn't stop me from being a complete rag this morning but in all fairness I believe I have reason to be intensely unpleasant upon occasion for the first few months here, regardless of the posh surroundings and domestic assistance. It boils down to time. To connect with others, assimilate, and problem-solve. None of which I have the energy or time for due to my daughter's dependence upon me.

That is right. She is that kind of kid. But perhaps all children of this age are high maintenance. I am also not the most patient person. However, I am learning. Instead of saying a flat out, “NO”, I am trying on different ways to say it kindly. She has yet to take it easily, but time marches on and everything is changing.

August 10

It was so good to see my friend. But hard for me to have her see me “this way”. Unpracticed, sad and empty. I am not able to offer the kind of friendship she deserves but I know she understands. It was nice to have a confessor for a day and she was very helpful yesterday when we went shopping.

This morning was a very difficult one. The challenges I have been “complaining” about are certainly tolerable but feeling friendless in a strange land is especially hard when Mr. D loses his patience and uses harsh words. I fall apart. Today felt especially impossible and I wonder how many more days like this I can continue to plow through. Is it entitlement I feel, in essence, how could this happen to me? Or am I growing? I can't help but dislike the way my life feels right now. I know I should choose to go to the Ashram this afternoon for satsang but it is a long drive and we were in the car with the baby half the day yesterday and I am in a poor state of being to be singing bhajans and celebrating life. Right now I am sick of bhajans, I would like to beat my life with a stick, and I want my dad. And I am not even on line right now so I am talking to myself. Sad.

August 11
We went to the Ashram and it was lovely, despite constant stares at the white lady with the brown baby. The driver got lost on the way home and Mr. D got mad. This was humorous as he rarely loses it around anyone but me.

The frozen peas here are not sweet. This was a harsh reality for boo because I have relied on them as emergency food. She likes them frozen for her teething gums. !!!!!

I know I am a huge whiner right now. So, with that in mind I am going to make a list of things I like or am thankful for in India.

I am thankful for my friend C who has come to visit and remains steadfast in spite of the above.
I am thankful that my daughter has a sense of humor.
I am thankful that my husband is not a Fundamentalist.
I like that the trash collectors are women in saris with flowers in their hair.
I like Mysore sweets and Mysore sesame tahini.
I still love the feel of clean marble on my bare feet.
I am thankful for Hema, our cleaner.
I am thankful for the playroom at club.
I like that the ashram is only an hour away.
I am grateful for AC when the weather is hot.
I am grateful for my computer and all the music on it.
I am grateful for clean water.
I am grateful for fresh sour dough bread at our local store.
I like eggs in a bag.
I like ready made clothing as it is very inexpensive and fun.
I am thankful the cats are healthy and happy.
I love the veranda.
I like palm trees swaying in the wind.
I like when people smile.
I enjoy watching the foot traffic that passes our kitchen window.



August 12

Today Malini, the relocation agent, is taking Suresh, the baby and me out to the local stores and get familiar with the area. Suresh is a local but as he tends to get lost (it seems), we thought it best if he came.

The things I am interested in finding are local:

DVD rental place (larger selection)
Music and Book store (ditto)
Internet browsing cafe
Coffee shop
walking park ( at least a mile walk)
ready made clothing (for babies and women)
household items
Florist (delivery?)
Indian sweets

Services we would like:
Newspaper delivery ( one local Bangalore and one international)
Water delivery
Milk delivery (fresh) 2x week
Egg delivery (fresh) 2x week
Vegetable and Fruit delivery (carrots, cauiflower, onions, garlic, cucumber, apples, mango, avacado, babanas etc.)

I guess you could say I am in a sort of breakdown. I am not sure what to post. We are leaving in 3 days and I don't really know what I am capable of at this time. If I asked myself about leaving for India one month ago, I would have said "I am reconciled to it," but now I feel truly lost. I am also feeling really distant to/from Mr. D. And angry. And sad. The longing I am feeling for my family is very painful. And I am afraid Sanbate is feeling my inbalance too.

There are many things for us to do before we leave. I don't have energy for any of them.

The postal service has lost our package so we will not have our vonage number, I wonder if vonage will allow us to have a new box but same number. I guess this is a minor issue considering.

Today we will go to the water park to celibrate cousin Sujaya's birthday.

The cats have had their required shots and now we need to send off their food- A bag of food will cost us 200+ dollars dhl and 50+ usps. With our experience with usps we don't trust but the cost difference is prohibitive.

More later.

We are in Maine.

Hi Dad,
I miss you.
We are all here together and it is amazing! We are really getting it! The lesson you have been teaching us all along. To give each other lots of room to make mistakes and to love each other in our own individual ways. We love you so much. And it has been wonderful to see all the children in our family. Mum is doing really well but she misses you so much. I am so sad to be leaving for India at this time when I should be at home with mum and everyone, processing the grief and moving along but I will be so far away instead. Don't worry, I know you will be with me always. I hope I don't mess up when I get up to speak about you. Will you help me say the right things? I really want to mention your wish to have meditation in the Christian church. I hope I can articulate that without sounding preachy. Anyway. Talk to you soon.

Love,
Your daughter

I wonder how often I will be able to blog in India. It seems here I never get the chance.

The update for our move is that we are moving early. (!?)

As things were Mr.D wouldn't be able to stay with us after the move for more than a couple of weeks. He is quite happy we are going early because he is missing the girl so much. Our new travel dates are now July 29th instead of August 17th. We will not be here for cousin S's 7th birthday :( but will go instead to King's Island to celebrate early before we leave.

We are defintely bringing the cats but not the birds.
We cannot fly business class (as planned) because they have a ban on cats.

Sanbate is now 24 pounds and I have lost more weight. Almost to my Chicago weight,
(10 years ago).

Our permanent resident visas should be arriving this week and the 24 lb. box Mr. D mailed on June 3 priority mail is still lost somewhere in the us postal system. The box contains our vonage box and many other important and personal items. I have been calling customer service of cincinnati for the last month. Rosalyn is handling our case. Maybe she will find more information on Monday.

Sister and I are going to take the Sahaj Samhadi course next weekend which is an intensive meditation practice. I have been a little bit short with the strong-willed girl and really need a little help staying peaceful in my gestures, (instead of growling at Sanbate every time she sticks her tongue through the bars and shakes the bird cage).

Yesterday marked the great cousin S's first official "I can swim in the deep end" day. After practicing floating for extended periods of time she was ready to try to swim across the deep end. She didn't seem surprised when she did it but was amused by my excitement.

Sanbate also had a first. She crawled into the pool (way over her head) and did not seem to be bothered by it one bit. No coughing or crying. In fact, she continued to try to crawl in backwards for the rest of our time at the pool. I think watching her older cousin has inspired her imitative self to exercise her gills.

First Tooth lost! Sanbate's cousin, the beauteous S surrendered her tooth to her valient brother K today. Incidently, last night was the first shaving day for the bold nephew, who is 14. What a day.

Sanbate has a cold. Her first illness since March's hospital visit. At night she tries to do bastrika (hard breathing through the nose) to clear herself out.

She has also become very CLEAR about what she wants and does not want. A very strong message at all times. This is I believe her true self coming out. It is funny because all my relatives say, "Oh she is so sweet and good-natured!" This is true but when you do something she doesn't like. LOOK OUT! Temper, temper. A lovely set of lungs, I must add.

It is hot here in Ohio, but we are staying in a very nice house and neighborhood with a pool. WE are able to stay cool.

Today we fed the ducks in the local pond with sister/cousin! When they saw us they came swimming toward us from the other side of the pond. It looked like the fleet had been given orders. There were also some large hungry fish that cleaned up the leftovers.

Yesterday I walked by the duck pond very early and had to dodge the sprinkler system. I was carrying the baby in the ergo and also coffee so it was quite comical, at least for me.

Oh me oh my oh,
Look at Miss Ohio.
She's runnin' around with the rag top down.
Says, "I wanna do right but not right now."

Did you know that I am (as my older sister puts it)
"The biggest b* in the world" ?
I can tell you there are some relatives in Ohio that would concur.
Today, I put my foot in it (again).

Its an adoption thing.
Its also a cultural thing.
Its also a family thing.
And no
thing is working in my favor right now.

My husband is having difficulties in India, (many).
My baby is confused and clingy.
I feel like I am going to explode and again I am friendless.
Aren't there any b****es out there who want to hang out with me and we can be mean together?

Our angel in Ohio

She loves the bhajans!

MASON, Ohio.
Here we are and this is the reason it took so long for me to update.
Our schedule is also a bit different and I have a little less time to blog.
Our main activity here in Ohio is swimming.

Our moving day was humorous, (that is if you are the type to think the unexpected is fun).

We left a bunch of stuff (bird cage, recycling bucket, gardening supplies, cardboard boxes).

We forgot our shipping receipt which is required for customs in India.
Our cleaning people did NOT clean the cupboards but casually slipped out after being paid. We mistakenly packed all the extra keys (for the garage and utility box) which will cost plenty to replace.

Sanbate is doing great except that she still doesn't sleep more than 12 hours (including naps). She loves the neighborhood pool. She eats up all the attention that her relatives are showering upon her.

We are trying to be patient with the Spice factor here. Everyone eats spicy food and Sanbate doesn't so when the family is preparing "mild" food, it isn't.

Baby cries so must fly.

Our house is quite empty. The packers came and packed up most of our belongings. They don't work on weekends (?) so they will be back to help us with the rest. We will have to mail several boxes to sister in law.

Last night we were excited to relax and watch a movie and LO! the packers had packed our netflix movie. I had to go down to the garage, which is brimming with boxes and open a few to find the movie. sigh.

Baby is cheerful but clingy and finally someone, (my friend Maria) noticed she is a bit DRAMAtic. That said she is coping with the echoing chamber of our home and dragging items from the suitcases all over with zeal.

First haircut and first earings!

With Sanbate on my lap I post.
Yesterday my car drove away. I think the baby knows somethings up cause I started crying and after we went for a walk she threw up her entire dinner in Mr.D's car. It was definitely not a flu purge. We came home and dissected the car seat cover and put it in the wash.

On an up note, Elianshu Sanbate's readopt is finalized. She will receive a certificate of citizenship and California birth certificate in 8 (!) months. We hope it will be forwarded to sister-in-laws. Regardless, she is now good to go.

First Bites Baby Tent

O! Sebastian

A bird and her head

Even though my birthday isn't for another week Mr. D gave me my birthday gift, a Flip video camera. This camera is very low tech and for some reason reminds me of a super 8. I think because it doesn't do a lot but it is easy to use and the picture is excellent and does not require flash or any fancy business. My only complaint is that it takes forever to publish on your computor and then forever again to upload onto Youtube. I shouldn't complain as it is a pretty nifty gift and if we have a decent connection in Bangalore I will be posting often for everyone to stay in tune with this growing miracle child.



We are lonely today because the kitties left with dad AND aunti Jayshree, uncle Subbu and cousin-sister Sujaya. The house is so quiet. We will pack a little and play. Here we are Peeking. Watch her little hand at the end crunching "good-bye".

I haven't posted in a few days and it has been quite an emotional week. Two major disappointments, one closer to heartbreak.

Our adoption agency decided to send their admin. liason on vacation when our readopt papers needed to be filed with the superior court. We are late making a hearing date and have been told there is no way we will get a hearing before August 15. We have flights out of California on the 16th of June so... the readopt may not happen at all until we return to the states which for me is a big problem. Luckily, Sanbate has a us passport.

The other problem is that our birds won't be joining us in India as the US is so strict about birds coming into the country there is a chance they wouldn't be allowed back. This put me in a funk for 2 days, crying and carrying on, as my bird Sebastian has been a huge support to me for the last 8 years, especially when I was single. She and I are extremely close and she is such a sweet, loving, and trusting bird. I am just shattered about it. :(

I am enjoying the company of our neice Sujaya and she has been absolutely great with the baby. We will be having a great summer together with Sujaya and her family in Ohio. At least I will be able to spend time with kitties and birdies then, because they will be living in Ohio while we are in India.

I know this isn't a polical blog but I just can't help it. I am crazy for Senator Barack Obama.

Knowing I may not be able to watch all the movies on my "list" I have been on a Kurosawa Kick. Movies by Kurosawa I recommend:
Ikiru
Throne of Blood (based roughly on Macbeth)
Hidden Fortress
Red Beard
Kagemusha
Stray Dog


I also recently enjoyed Harakiri by Masaki Kobayashi.

A new movie I LOVED which reminded me of a fresh Hal Hartly movie was:
Juno
!!!

It is hard to believe we are leaving soon, (4 weeks!). The cats are going to Cincinatti a week on Wednesday. That leaves birdies, (Sebastian and Scrap), Sanbate and me. There have been very few responses to the craigslist ad so we may as well have a freebie on the weekend. I haven't listed my car yet but who wouldn't take a perfect rav4? I will miss my car. It saved my life twice, once in a snow storm and another time on the highway driving 70 mph. I will also miss driving. How am I NOT going to get nauseous riding in the back seat? With the poor air quality etc.?
AW, Quit yer yappin' and get packin'!

Everybody loves a BOX!







Well, that is unless you are moving and have to fill them.
I have listed some stuff on Craigslist for free and for sale. Most of it sort of useless. I would like to just chuck it but that is not the right thing to do.

Sanbate is learning to eat with a fork and spoon. She loves her board books, especially the ones with animals.

It was hot last night! 91 degrees in our house.
Poor kitties were like little defeated pancakes. Sissy slept with her legs dangling to air them out and Missy licked ice cubes for an hour.

Sanbate in a bathing suit ;) and I went out back and filled up every large container we could find, watered plants and played in the water until Mr. D came home. The house was still stuffy at 7pm so we opened the rest of the windows and could hear the neighborhood cooling off.

Remember the nights at the houses of your "friends with children"?
How silly they seemed trying to get their kids to sleep?
How it appeared to you that they were playing the clown pretty well for their kids?
I just realized it is an actual game you play with your kids.


The Napping/Sleeping game:
(Can only be played after quiet time with a book)
Allow mom to rub back for 1 minute and then make her stop.
Lie still for 1-2 minutes and begin closing eyes.
When mom sits down at the edge of the bed, get up.
Refuse to lie down.
Let mom "help" you to lie down 3 or 4 times.
Wave by by to mom.
When she leaves, cry as loud and long as possible so that the neighbors (and dad) remark, "Wow, she is really upset!"
When mom comes in, clearly flustered, smile and start game over again.

When mom gets tired of the game and starts to cry or throw a pillow etc., it is time for the actual nap/sleep.

Well I blew it, (I guess I am overwhelmed with the move, posting stuff on Craigslist and worrying about how to do it with no friends and family to help us pack up)
ie:

I left my husband's car lights on. We should have known when the keys didn't unlock the car on Monday but didn't put two and two together.

Yesterday we discovered the error and my husband was furious at me and told me not for the first time, "you are so irresponsible!" He was planning on showing the car today to a prospective buyer. Last night was spent trying to get the battery out of the car, which required special tools. The job was not finished and today the battery needs to be replaced. (Why the hassle? Mercedez ML320)

Last night I did not sleep for nightmares(mine) and crying from our daughter and cats.Yes. Our cats cry in the night too, like ghosts.

This morning I woke up feeling broken down and the feeling has not gone away.

First Bruise



Today she earned her first bruise. I don't know what she fell on but she started crying very loudly and wanted to be held closely. I didn't notice the bruise on her cheek until we went through the car wash later. Why do I feel guilty? Because I was clear across the apartment and in another room when it happened.

Posting has been a challenge as the girl is so curious and wants to help. But the one item I am a "mean" mom about is the oven. Today I gave her a very loud NO! when she started fiddling with the knob on the range. Poor girl. She looked as if to say, "How strange. She just touched it a second ago."

My mom and dad made it to California but were stricken with sickness the entire (short) trip. Well, it is a good thing our plans weren't ambitious. We made it up to the Marin Headlands and to our favorite breakfast place in Sauselito. My sister's daughter caught the flu and her husband was in the middle of studying for certification exams so she wasn't able to come. Still, it was wonderful for my parents to see the baby and they will be able to share their trip with the rest of the family. E S was just so sweet and open to them which didn't come as a big surprise. Most orphan babies tend to be very trusting. It isn't necessarily a great thing but in this case, with my dad getting up there, it was a blessing. My parents were smitten.

These eyes...




I believe the stress from the excitement of having my parents and sister come and visit has taken its toll. A fight with Mr. D about moving to India. A karfuffle about the fact that the readoption may not be finished in time before we leave for Ohio. This is due to the fact that we prioritized getting Elianshu a passport and we were not able to send necessary documents for the readopt because they were being used for the passport.

And We have many things to accomplish in the next month:

Posting items on craigslist to sell i.e. cars and electronics/appliances. (The outlets in India are not compatable and one would need a serious overhall in the electric system in the house to use one's appliances and electronics).

Packing/Shipping and giving aways items we cannot or do not want to take with us: Lawn furniture, plants, lamps...

Stocking up on goods not available in India like medicines, vite supplements, toys, clothing...

Closing up accounts, and
Heavens NOOOOOO!!! Closing my New Yorker magazine account unless I can get them to send it to India. I am an avid and devoted fan of The New Yorker. I truly hope I can continue to read this one magazine. I absolutely love love love.

Forwarding mail.

Deciding what to bring for the summer in Cincinatti. I have sent a travel crib to my sister-in-laws. But what else aside from clothing do we need? Her car seat, toys, books and booster seat. But what else? Hmmmmmm....

She walks! Starting May 1st and now taking up to 20 steps. But who is counting. I am just getting ready to take a good video of it so wait a minute...

Operation Anti-Chaos: The Narrative on “White Voters” Is Fiction
By Al Giordano

I turn on the TV, read the political columnists (and a significant number of analytically-challenged bloggers, too) and all I hear is a bunch of white folk prattling on about their favorite narrative: “Obama’s losing white voters!”

They’ve swallowed the Clinton racially-obsessed spin, hook, line and sinker. Some, because they are gullible, haven’t an original idea in their little pea brains, and follow the pack of what everybody else is talking about. Others, because they like to toss around knowing falsehoods. Nary a superdelegate can go on Fox News without being berated by an anchorperson screeching (this is pretty close to an exact quote): “But your duty as a superdelegate is to select the most electable and that’s Hillary Clinton!” That these anchorpersons are Republican partisans openly cheering for Senator Clinton is our first clue of the game afoot. One of the major successes of Rush Limbaugh’s Operation Chaos is that it has got all the right-wing pundits and reporters marching lockstep behind the effort to give Clinton enough oxygen to keep slashing away at Senator Obama, who remains the prohibitive likely Democratic nominee.

And when Clinton wins state primaries that, because of demographics, she was always going to win - last week, Pennsylvania and next week, Indiana - they then wave that event up like a blood-soaked flag as proof of their narrative: See? See? We told you so! White people won’t vote for Obama!

So imagine my pleasant surprise this morning to see a New York Times columnist, Charles Blow, who did what none of these chattering lunkheads have done. He looked at the hard data of how voters, white and black, view the two Democratic candidates - favorably or negatively? - and how those views have progressed over time. The data is based on multiple CBS-New York Times polls (among the most respected survey outfits among competing pollsters) over two years and more. Check it out:



Nobody - not blogger, nor superdelegate, nor cable news anchor - should open their mouths with another word about this contest until they’ve studied those graphs and the numbers upon which they are based. Blow explains:

Since January, the Clintons have pummeled Barack Obama with racially tinged comments and questions about his character…

The question is this: Have white Democrats soured on Obama? Apparently not. Although his unfavorable rating from the group is up five percentage points since last summer in polls conducted by The New York Times and CBS News, his favorable rating is up just as much.

Wait. The numbers show that the cynical effort to turn the 2008 campaign into a race riot has hurt the popularity of one candidate among an important demographic, and it’s not Barack Obama:

On the other hand, black Democrats’ opinion of Hillary Clinton has deteriorated substantially (her favorable rating among them is down 36 percentage points over the same period).

So, to sum up: Look at the damn graphs. You can see that Clinton is in a staggering free-fall among African-American voters, her favorability is down 36 points while 17 percent view her more negatively than before, while Obama’s favorable and negative ratings among whites have paired at five point increases. You can even see the small dip - about two percentage points - in his popularity among whites that can be attributed to the news cycles about his ex-pastor, and see that it has leveled out and is now on a straight horizontal line (meanwhile, Clinton’s numbers among blacks continue on an extreme downward precipice). The greater context is that even including Obama’s slight dip, he’s more popular today among white voters than he ever was prior to February.

Not since Ronald Reagan has an American presidential candidate withstood such an assault in the media and seen his popularity not hurt by it, but, rather, galvanized by it. That’s what is meant, in politics, by the term “Teflon.”

Those facts won’t stop many media (and Internet) talking heads from continuing - whether out of gullibility or intentional dishonesty - to prop up the “white voters” narrative, but it ought to inoculate you, kind reader, from believing it.

Don’t let yourself get upset when some idiot repeats the false media narrative. Don’t plead with them to tell the truth (they won’t; remember, they’re either stupid or dishonest). Mock them. Ridicule them. Expose them as the lightweights they are showing themselves to be, with all the confidence that understanding the hard data ought to provide you.

Let Operation Anti-Chaos begin!

ES likes the bath toys
but I had to throw them
in the dishwasher to get rid of the noxious plastic fumes right after we brought them home. We have so little of that kind of thing I don't know how families can stand the horrible smell. Like a skunk on hormones.

Yesterday marked the first "walking" day. Five steps. With repeats throughout the day. Today she has made a big effort to be upright when possible, using the furniture to navigate around the house.

On the advise of our pediatrician, who was also adopted, we are now giving up the bottle in the night. Last night was the first installment of "rage against the establishment", sponsored by ESD. Tonight I blog because I am a light sleeper and the rebellion from the crib inspired me to look at cute pictures of our sweet and demure child from the quiet of the guest room.

Photo by Erica Pelaccia WHFC

Elianshu has gained 5 pounds since we have arrived home. She is beginning to sleep through the night. She delights in everything except being told "no". She is imitating all sounds, (especially the cat's) and can make raspberries from the front and side of her mouth. She is climbing on stairs, beds and couches. She loves nature and is fascinated by each stick, flower, rock and leaf.

Her grandmother, grandfather (who is 85) and aunti Bec are coming for Mother's day weekend.
Her cousin Sujaya (6 years) is coming the third week in May.
Her aunti Marcy is coming for the first week in June.

All to see her and get their fill before we leave for India.

We submitted our re-adoption paperwork to the superior court clerk in Martinez today. Now we need to wait to schedule a hearing.

I have noticed that when I have to wait in line with my head banger I get a little hot under the collar. Especially when they tell you to wait in one line and when you get to the top (a half hour later) they say that you don't have to wait in that line just in the line to see the clerk. Then you get in the clerk's line and they see your little poop machine bouncing around and making cat noises and then they decide to close two windows. Which leaves one window free because the other window has been taken up for the last 25 minutes by an especially complicated case.

When I lived in Chicago I had a couple of jobs that required me to interact with "needy" customers, most of whom were women over 40. I can't count how many frustrated moments I spent listening to the hysterics of a demanding pet owner or vegetarian diner. What was wrong with these old washed out rags anyway?

Today I joined their minion.

Several days ago Elianshu Sanbate and I were cuddling on the futon bed and all of a sudden... crack went the frame. We had wrestled a little too hard but it seemed unlikely that a 150 lb woman and a 21 lb child would be able to do such damage. When I took a look I saw how the bed was designed (poorly) and could see how easy it would be to crack an inch and a half of wood given the proper pressure.

I was insensed! We paid good money for that bed! It looked so sturdy! It was only a year ago that we bought it and already it cheaps out! Criminal!

AFter calling the store for hours, (they don't use an answering machine) I got through.

"Do you have the receipt?"
"No."
"Well bring in the broken piece and we will see if it can be replaced."
"You mean I have to take it apart?"
"Yeah. Just bring it in on Thursday and I will have a replacement piece by Friday...."

Today baby and I show up at 11am when they are scheduled to open.
They haven't opened.
11:15 still closed.
11:25 still closed. Now I know why they don't pick up their phone. They show up when they feel like it.
I take squirmy worm for a walk around the corner.
11:45 We come back. The owner's wife is present.

"Do you have the receipt?"
"No."
"Well, you will have to pay for the piece."
This is where I start to get raggy and find myself telling her that we had been waiting for her to open the store at 11 am.
"You don't have to get mad at me. If you had a conversation with my husband then you can discuss it with him. Just leave the piece with me and I will bring it home. My husband will see if the supplier will give us a replacement..."

I was raggy. And it was because I felt they should be doing this for free. Not charging us or making us take the bed apart et al.

Back in the day when we listened to loud, disturbing music at work I was always bothered by the customers that complained and made us change it.

Now I am that customer.
Demanding.
Making a scene.

I came home to see if I could find the receipt.
No luck.

The house is clean! And I mean spotless. It has been some time since we paid someone to help us clean the house, (since I stopped working full time over a year ago).
Beauty girl is starting to sleep more calmly and without the urgent cries in the night. Our test came back negative, (altho' our pediatrician thinks we need to redo it in 6 months, sigh). Mr.D is in India and has found a place for us to live, and he is even excited about it.

Tomorrow we submit our re-adopt forms to the superior court and wait to be clear for scheduling a hearing date.

We still have the ringworm.

While exploring food preferences we invented a lovely recipe:

frozen peas
tofu (seasoned with sesame oil and tamari)
finely sliced rigatoni (with salt,melted butter, brewers yeast, yogert whey and acerola). It makes a pretty stack too. And see how she likes it.

Laughing


(Written for my friend Sharon)

Life has an interesting way of laughing.

Sometimes it is hard to laugh along,

and then

when you get it

you see how silly it is.



I thought when I had a baby the longing would end

but the longing is replaced by terror

for what "could" happen and

what DOES happen.

Do you want the good news first or the bad news?

I should have known it was coming when the Infectious diseases doctor praised Sanbate's xray results after requesting more lab work. I should have known that there is no end to a research hospital's need for answers and more proof that every child that leaves their borders is tracked like a wanted criminal.

There was a mistake on the blood test in that instead of doing a stage 1 hiv test they did a stage 2 test which came up inconclusive. That is there were some levels that were not "normal".

Now the doctor is recommending we do the hiv test again, even tho' the lab that originally did her blood work up in Ethiopia is a certified US laboratory.

"I am sure it is negative, but with this result it would be negligent to skip retesting."

So now I am as anxious as ever. We have an appointment with her pediatrician tomorrow because I couldn't bear to bring Sanbate back into the hospital to be jabbed again, ( they had a really really hard time getting blood from her when we were in prison there). We will get a referral for a lab and then do another test.

I am a wreck
but Elianshu has been surprisingly jolly especially since we escaped the hospital, yet again.