One Corner of my Dad's shop.
These poor clocks will never be lovingly touched by my dad again. What will happen to them now? I miss my dad more than I ever thought I would when he was here among us. It almost seems like now that Dad is gone he is closer than ever. I am envious of my siblings who live near his clocks and things. The smell of the basement workshop would be a nice dad fix for me right now.

THANK GOD ITS INDIAN!!!
wHEN you don't have furniture or toys you improvise with medical tape, egg cartons and leftover blue stickies. Or better yet, empty water bottles.





I don't think I will call the snake catcher although supposedly the snakes here are poisonous. If I die of a snake bite I think it is auspicious as I am born in the year of the snake and I speak parseltongue. Ask me about my snake story.






This is the map I made after going around with Malini who was our relocation expert. I am not going to go negative but she didn't do diddly.

The current administration in Bangalore has decided that drinking and dancing don't mix. They have enacted a law that bans the two together in one club. Also all nightclubs must now close at 11 pm. Bangalore is an international city known for its nightlife and the locals and foreigners are in an uproar.

This god figure overlooks our veranda. Who is it?

August 16

More Mysore sweets!!! Special Mysore Pak from C. We are now addicted.
And kitty girl smells the ghee, yum.

Why do I feel especially guilty for wanting some personal time? Is it because I think my daughter who is adopted should never sense that I don't want to be with her? I do feel I am wrong for getting upset when she exhausts me. It doesn't help when I think, “Well, you signed on for this.” The problem isn't me, or my cranky daughter but we won't delve into this.

My friend is out visiting another mom who has an adopted baby here in India. Mine is napping so we are here waiting for the Internet dude to come and get us back on line. After two weeks of promises from the government network system to show up and connect our Internet we went with a local guy who could come right away and was cheaper. Unfortunately, it is not working and he will have to come back to solve the problem.

We went for a quick dip in the pool and lunch. Sadly, the water was a bit cold for the baby (and me too) and she was not really enjoying herself as much as she has because of her sore teething gums. The food at the club is quite good, especially all the Indian fare. They make dosas in the evening and I suspect they are good. I am looking forward to trying them out. One of the American kids played with us for a little while. She is a natural with babies and has a nice temperament. I haven't had the chance to chat with her mom.

The plumber came today to fix our water heater. It seems the downstairs water is scalding and the upstairs water is tepid. After replacing all the washers on the heater pipes because they were burnt out the plumber told Mr. D that we can't leave the water heaters on or it will cause damage. This was a piece of information that would have been helpful.

We aren't able to get any international papers yet but I am really not ready to give up. India Times is really not a very good paper but it is fine for local stuff. I had hoped for more world coverage and less glamor. I guess the web will have all the information I need.

Tonight H will go to the ashram for satsang which starts after 7 pm. Us chickens will stay home and mind the marble floors

What do you do with a one year old on a Friday night? Give them a bucket and all is made right.

August 15
India's Independents Day

I am still looking for a good video/music/book store. I might have to go to the next town. There are absolutely no walking parks nearby. Only in Bangalore. We have our water delivered and the newspaper (India Times) will be delivered tomorrow.

Yesterday we went to the Police Commissioner's Office to register as resident foreigners. Getting into town was a real crazy traffic nightmare. We got stuck on MG road which has major construction of the new Metro train. Think Big Dig.

This morning Sanbate led us to the playground and Emma's family. Emma is just in from London and has twin three year olds and a baby girl Sanbate's age. We also met Anuja, her husband and son who is the same age as our baby. Anuja has been living in Palm Meadows since before her son was born and she has also lived in San Francisco AND Boston and the midwest. Both ladies seem very nice. Their husbands also.

Friend C comes again today! For two nights! We will pick her up at the local station instead this time and hope that she is able to make the connection at Bangalore.

I watched the rest of Deewar last night with Amitab Bachan and Shashi Kapoor. Altho' it is quite melodramatic and old (with really fake blood) I enjoyed the story line- Two brothers on either side of the law, fighting for their heroic mother's love. As much as I like Shashi, Amitab is peerless.

The stream of my consciousness during our crazy move to India.
We are finally online!!!!!

August 2
I am sitting upstairs in our new house in a suburb of Bangalore in an empty room while Sanbate cries downstairs. It is 11pm and she will most likely be up for a few hours as that has been her pattern. She has jet lag on top of her fitful sleep it is no good. I am typing on my computer which has only a little bit of battery charge left as we don't have adapters- Mr. assured me the house was set up with several western style outlets. But he was mistaken.

We arrived yesterday from Frankfurt having been delayed a day due to a missed flight ( our second stop in Chicago departed two hours late and we did not make the flight out of Frankfurt). It looked grim because of a Lufthansa strike, they are the only airline that allows cats. All planes flying to India were fully booked. We had no choice but to put ourselves on the waiting list and check ourselves into the Sheridan at the Frankfurt Airport. This was paid for by United Airlines, who made us late in the first place.

When we went up to our room and opened the door we could see that the room had not been cleaned. When we called down to reception they told us we would have to come down to the lobby again until they sorted it out. Sanbate was bobbing in and out of sleep. We had two cats. And two bags and a car seat. I entered the reception area with an explosion and asked, “What is going on!!!!” I then asked them why a porter had not been sent to help us up to our room or back down again. “Is it because of the way we look?” They apologized (amid smirks at the drama of it) and later sent us a basket of fruit.

That night we were confirmed on the next non-stop to Bangalore via Lufthansa.
The next morning we overslept and made a mad dash to the airport. We went to the gate and it had been changed, (to the other side of the airport).

We finally made it (25 minutes later because we had to go through security twice) and as they were boarding us the flight attendant said, “One of you has been bumped up to Business class.” We told them we wanted to stay together in economy. They put us all in Business, (even though their policy is no cats in Business).

I just helped Mr. D move a mattress upstairs so he can sleep- as the baby still cries. She is a tenacious crier, and seems to do it with Mucho Mucho Gusto.

I will take a shower and hope they both sleep.

August 3
Tonite we ate at a fine Indian restaurant. There were live musicians playing popular hindi songs in the form of gazals. The baby fell into a deep sleep in her chair and we were able, for the first time it seemed, to eat and socialize with the people we were dining with.

Aug. 4
Husband worked late tonite and the baby and I went to the clubhouse, (which is part of our “community”) to play in the playroom. This is the only place where she can play freely and safely. A little toddler named Peter became enamored of her and began to chase her around the room trying to steal a hug or pat or kiss. At first our girl tolerated it and then she grew impatient and began to cry in frustration as he was making her fall and keeping her from playing. We had to put a restraining order on him.

We came home and ate my first home cooked meal since we arrived; veggie channa masala with brown rice. Our kitchen window looks out onto our street and the baby loves to watch as she eats. While it is a quiet street, there are always children walking or riding by and excitement (women carrying large bundles of branches or a man bicycling with a yellow lawnmower for example).

The last few nights she has been falling asleep without worry and tonite she is finally camped out in her permanent room. We founds some “ready made” blue curtains for her room which keep it dark when the they are drawn.

Our villa has marble floors, a lovely veranda off our bedroom and 3 full baths. There are some funny things about it tho' like the toilet seats which are all rickety and uncomfortable and no basement (no storage). We don't know what we are going to do with our bikes, and gardening/outdoor/hardware stuff. It may have to go on the roof. The screens on the windows are Velcro around the edges so you have do undo them to open windows.

We have a driver and a house cleaner who both seem competent and reliable. I am still overwhelmed by the lack of personal time. I savor these moments after the girl falls asleep. It feels like a mini vacation. I realize everything will always change and soon she will be more independent. This moving around has been a strain on her and with the teething and jet lag etc. She has a reason to be cranky. I just wish it didn't make me crazy.

She has developed this shrill squeal that she unloads when she wants something she can't have. It triggers in me some wild lion momma instincts and I just want to swipe her with my paw. Instead I sit her down and firmly say “no” which makes her even more angry. I guess I could distract her with something else but that always seemed dishonest to me. Why not let your baby face the facts? Some things are off limits. I guess you could say I am working through this one.

The cats have been sleeping with us through the night. This is not the norm for Sissy but they have both been staying close since we arrived. Sissy is also eager to go back out onto the veranda but when she went out for the first time we had a hard time getting her back. She went out on the roof (on the tiles) and then onto the eaves. I believe she would have stayed out all night as she did in Ohio but for my insistent calling.

August 4
Husband went to Singapore tonite and I did not want to sleep so instead read Jon K.'s sensationalistic book on fundamentalist Mormons. I don't know if I should believe it as it seems so unreal and crazy AND I have close friends and family members who are Mormon. The baby woke up just as I was falling asleep at 11pm. She came to bed with me and slept reluctantly doing her thrashing business first. Mind you we went swimming and to the playroom before dinner which should have tired her out. Well, on the upside I didn't get angry at her.

August 5
I wish we were online. The internet dudes persist in giving us false dates for hook up. Why do they do that here? Why not just say, “We are booked solid for the next two weeks. We will come on this date and no later.”? I found out yesterday there is a yahoo group for mothers in this community. As soon as I am able to get access I will be able to find out what activities are available for our girl.



We now have a washing machine. Yay! But will never have a drier. :( Clothes are hung from a drying rack that has a pulley system which hugs the ceiling as the clothes dry. It is at the top of the stairway so one has to be extra careful of wet marble stairs. Also when the electricity goes out (which happens every other day)our generator is only capable of powering small appliances and lights, not the washer, AC, fridge, or convection/microwave oven.

Girl fell asleep at 9am this morning. I wonder if this means we are back to two naps or what???

We have a land line and a dorky retro (80's) phone. In addition to this line we will have our Vonage phone (with our old number folks) and our respective cell phones.

August 6
We have had a power outage since 8 this morning. No wash today. There is a little 15 month old red-head who lives here and she was in attendance today in the playroom. She is doing all the same things baby girl is doing; pushing furniture around, climbing and sliding with recklessness, rocking things, playing chase, and teething like crazy.

Today is another two nap day. Last night was a good sleep night for girl but unfortunately Sissy decided it was her turn and she meowed all night. When I came downstairs in the morning I noticed there was no cat food out.

Long time friend from Diner days is studying in Mysore and will be coming tomorrow for a quick visit and then at the end of the month for a longer one. I am really looking forward to it.

Husband comes home from Singapore tonite.

August 7
Yesterday we had a peeping Tom in our downstairs french windows. He was young (17?) tall with bad posture and a red shirt. I called out to him, “Can I help you?” and he said something like, “No ma'am you don't have to come to the door...” as he ran quickly away. This makes me anxious. But honestly, I am in the midst of a paranoia fest. Per usual the manual laborer men give me dirty looks. But strangely their female counterparts do not. Our driver and cleaning person are very kind to us and the baby so... I feel I need to investigate this matter.

My long time friend comes today!!!
I was going to go pick her up but the driver told us that it is a long drive to the central Bangalore station (one and a half hours) and that the express train isn't always punctual. So we decided to send the driver (Suresh) ahead with my friend's cell number and description.

My blessed, saintly H brought two bottles of Laphroaig home last night. The sight of them, I confess, made me feel deliciously joyful. For those that don't know, this particular single malt has a particular smoky flavor I love AND since I have been enjoying it for many years, is no small comfort. This didn't stop me from being a complete rag this morning but in all fairness I believe I have reason to be intensely unpleasant upon occasion for the first few months here, regardless of the posh surroundings and domestic assistance. It boils down to time. To connect with others, assimilate, and problem-solve. None of which I have the energy or time for due to my daughter's dependence upon me.

That is right. She is that kind of kid. But perhaps all children of this age are high maintenance. I am also not the most patient person. However, I am learning. Instead of saying a flat out, “NO”, I am trying on different ways to say it kindly. She has yet to take it easily, but time marches on and everything is changing.

August 10

It was so good to see my friend. But hard for me to have her see me “this way”. Unpracticed, sad and empty. I am not able to offer the kind of friendship she deserves but I know she understands. It was nice to have a confessor for a day and she was very helpful yesterday when we went shopping.

This morning was a very difficult one. The challenges I have been “complaining” about are certainly tolerable but feeling friendless in a strange land is especially hard when Mr. D loses his patience and uses harsh words. I fall apart. Today felt especially impossible and I wonder how many more days like this I can continue to plow through. Is it entitlement I feel, in essence, how could this happen to me? Or am I growing? I can't help but dislike the way my life feels right now. I know I should choose to go to the Ashram this afternoon for satsang but it is a long drive and we were in the car with the baby half the day yesterday and I am in a poor state of being to be singing bhajans and celebrating life. Right now I am sick of bhajans, I would like to beat my life with a stick, and I want my dad. And I am not even on line right now so I am talking to myself. Sad.

August 11
We went to the Ashram and it was lovely, despite constant stares at the white lady with the brown baby. The driver got lost on the way home and Mr. D got mad. This was humorous as he rarely loses it around anyone but me.

The frozen peas here are not sweet. This was a harsh reality for boo because I have relied on them as emergency food. She likes them frozen for her teething gums. !!!!!

I know I am a huge whiner right now. So, with that in mind I am going to make a list of things I like or am thankful for in India.

I am thankful for my friend C who has come to visit and remains steadfast in spite of the above.
I am thankful that my daughter has a sense of humor.
I am thankful that my husband is not a Fundamentalist.
I like that the trash collectors are women in saris with flowers in their hair.
I like Mysore sweets and Mysore sesame tahini.
I still love the feel of clean marble on my bare feet.
I am thankful for Hema, our cleaner.
I am thankful for the playroom at club.
I like that the ashram is only an hour away.
I am grateful for AC when the weather is hot.
I am grateful for my computer and all the music on it.
I am grateful for clean water.
I am grateful for fresh sour dough bread at our local store.
I like eggs in a bag.
I like ready made clothing as it is very inexpensive and fun.
I am thankful the cats are healthy and happy.
I love the veranda.
I like palm trees swaying in the wind.
I like when people smile.
I enjoy watching the foot traffic that passes our kitchen window.



August 12

Today Malini, the relocation agent, is taking Suresh, the baby and me out to the local stores and get familiar with the area. Suresh is a local but as he tends to get lost (it seems), we thought it best if he came.

The things I am interested in finding are local:

DVD rental place (larger selection)
Music and Book store (ditto)
Internet browsing cafe
Coffee shop
walking park ( at least a mile walk)
ready made clothing (for babies and women)
household items
Florist (delivery?)
Indian sweets

Services we would like:
Newspaper delivery ( one local Bangalore and one international)
Water delivery
Milk delivery (fresh) 2x week
Egg delivery (fresh) 2x week
Vegetable and Fruit delivery (carrots, cauiflower, onions, garlic, cucumber, apples, mango, avacado, babanas etc.)

I guess you could say I am in a sort of breakdown. I am not sure what to post. We are leaving in 3 days and I don't really know what I am capable of at this time. If I asked myself about leaving for India one month ago, I would have said "I am reconciled to it," but now I feel truly lost. I am also feeling really distant to/from Mr. D. And angry. And sad. The longing I am feeling for my family is very painful. And I am afraid Sanbate is feeling my inbalance too.

There are many things for us to do before we leave. I don't have energy for any of them.

The postal service has lost our package so we will not have our vonage number, I wonder if vonage will allow us to have a new box but same number. I guess this is a minor issue considering.

Today we will go to the water park to celibrate cousin Sujaya's birthday.

The cats have had their required shots and now we need to send off their food- A bag of food will cost us 200+ dollars dhl and 50+ usps. With our experience with usps we don't trust but the cost difference is prohibitive.

More later.

We are in Maine.

Hi Dad,
I miss you.
We are all here together and it is amazing! We are really getting it! The lesson you have been teaching us all along. To give each other lots of room to make mistakes and to love each other in our own individual ways. We love you so much. And it has been wonderful to see all the children in our family. Mum is doing really well but she misses you so much. I am so sad to be leaving for India at this time when I should be at home with mum and everyone, processing the grief and moving along but I will be so far away instead. Don't worry, I know you will be with me always. I hope I don't mess up when I get up to speak about you. Will you help me say the right things? I really want to mention your wish to have meditation in the Christian church. I hope I can articulate that without sounding preachy. Anyway. Talk to you soon.

Love,
Your daughter

I wonder how often I will be able to blog in India. It seems here I never get the chance.

The update for our move is that we are moving early. (!?)

As things were Mr.D wouldn't be able to stay with us after the move for more than a couple of weeks. He is quite happy we are going early because he is missing the girl so much. Our new travel dates are now July 29th instead of August 17th. We will not be here for cousin S's 7th birthday :( but will go instead to King's Island to celebrate early before we leave.

We are defintely bringing the cats but not the birds.
We cannot fly business class (as planned) because they have a ban on cats.

Sanbate is now 24 pounds and I have lost more weight. Almost to my Chicago weight,
(10 years ago).

Our permanent resident visas should be arriving this week and the 24 lb. box Mr. D mailed on June 3 priority mail is still lost somewhere in the us postal system. The box contains our vonage box and many other important and personal items. I have been calling customer service of cincinnati for the last month. Rosalyn is handling our case. Maybe she will find more information on Monday.

Sister and I are going to take the Sahaj Samhadi course next weekend which is an intensive meditation practice. I have been a little bit short with the strong-willed girl and really need a little help staying peaceful in my gestures, (instead of growling at Sanbate every time she sticks her tongue through the bars and shakes the bird cage).

Yesterday marked the great cousin S's first official "I can swim in the deep end" day. After practicing floating for extended periods of time she was ready to try to swim across the deep end. She didn't seem surprised when she did it but was amused by my excitement.

Sanbate also had a first. She crawled into the pool (way over her head) and did not seem to be bothered by it one bit. No coughing or crying. In fact, she continued to try to crawl in backwards for the rest of our time at the pool. I think watching her older cousin has inspired her imitative self to exercise her gills.

First Tooth lost! Sanbate's cousin, the beauteous S surrendered her tooth to her valient brother K today. Incidently, last night was the first shaving day for the bold nephew, who is 14. What a day.

Sanbate has a cold. Her first illness since March's hospital visit. At night she tries to do bastrika (hard breathing through the nose) to clear herself out.

She has also become very CLEAR about what she wants and does not want. A very strong message at all times. This is I believe her true self coming out. It is funny because all my relatives say, "Oh she is so sweet and good-natured!" This is true but when you do something she doesn't like. LOOK OUT! Temper, temper. A lovely set of lungs, I must add.

It is hot here in Ohio, but we are staying in a very nice house and neighborhood with a pool. WE are able to stay cool.

Today we fed the ducks in the local pond with sister/cousin! When they saw us they came swimming toward us from the other side of the pond. It looked like the fleet had been given orders. There were also some large hungry fish that cleaned up the leftovers.

Yesterday I walked by the duck pond very early and had to dodge the sprinkler system. I was carrying the baby in the ergo and also coffee so it was quite comical, at least for me.

Oh me oh my oh,
Look at Miss Ohio.
She's runnin' around with the rag top down.
Says, "I wanna do right but not right now."

Did you know that I am (as my older sister puts it)
"The biggest b* in the world" ?
I can tell you there are some relatives in Ohio that would concur.
Today, I put my foot in it (again).

Its an adoption thing.
Its also a cultural thing.
Its also a family thing.
And no
thing is working in my favor right now.

My husband is having difficulties in India, (many).
My baby is confused and clingy.
I feel like I am going to explode and again I am friendless.
Aren't there any b****es out there who want to hang out with me and we can be mean together?

Our angel in Ohio

She loves the bhajans!

MASON, Ohio.
Here we are and this is the reason it took so long for me to update.
Our schedule is also a bit different and I have a little less time to blog.
Our main activity here in Ohio is swimming.

Our moving day was humorous, (that is if you are the type to think the unexpected is fun).

We left a bunch of stuff (bird cage, recycling bucket, gardening supplies, cardboard boxes).

We forgot our shipping receipt which is required for customs in India.
Our cleaning people did NOT clean the cupboards but casually slipped out after being paid. We mistakenly packed all the extra keys (for the garage and utility box) which will cost plenty to replace.

Sanbate is doing great except that she still doesn't sleep more than 12 hours (including naps). She loves the neighborhood pool. She eats up all the attention that her relatives are showering upon her.

We are trying to be patient with the Spice factor here. Everyone eats spicy food and Sanbate doesn't so when the family is preparing "mild" food, it isn't.

Baby cries so must fly.

Our house is quite empty. The packers came and packed up most of our belongings. They don't work on weekends (?) so they will be back to help us with the rest. We will have to mail several boxes to sister in law.

Last night we were excited to relax and watch a movie and LO! the packers had packed our netflix movie. I had to go down to the garage, which is brimming with boxes and open a few to find the movie. sigh.

Baby is cheerful but clingy and finally someone, (my friend Maria) noticed she is a bit DRAMAtic. That said she is coping with the echoing chamber of our home and dragging items from the suitcases all over with zeal.

First haircut and first earings!

With Sanbate on my lap I post.
Yesterday my car drove away. I think the baby knows somethings up cause I started crying and after we went for a walk she threw up her entire dinner in Mr.D's car. It was definitely not a flu purge. We came home and dissected the car seat cover and put it in the wash.

On an up note, Elianshu Sanbate's readopt is finalized. She will receive a certificate of citizenship and California birth certificate in 8 (!) months. We hope it will be forwarded to sister-in-laws. Regardless, she is now good to go.