Petitioning the Lord

Today was the worst so far.
The details of events can only be expressed to those most intimately involved (read spouse and/or REALLY good friend).

I am petitioning the lord
right now.
Refraining from judgment yet offering myself up to the ones who are thinking of me and our baby now.
It is as bad as you might imagine. Items below are secondary to the fact that I am not 100% and therefore at odds with India and motherhood.

Our maid believes she can get more money because I am white. In fact. She thinks she can make twice the amount of what most people make here because of this fact. This she confirmed in a conversation when I told her how upset I was. “But madam, they are Indian families.” We have given her a week to finish up and then we must let her go. Sanbate has really grown to like her and trust her. This is really hard on all of us. Who will help “move the dirt around” when she finishes the week?
Several people have come today for the job wanting half days with full pay. It is quite disheartening. I guess my ancestors were especially oppressive.

I have an Air Tel cell phone which needs to be periodically prepaid. I was completely dumb to the fact that I was running low on minutes, that is until my dear H left the country. Our driver, Suresh, came on his day off to straighten this whole thing out. I am now fully charged but now savvy about this (f***** up) system. What is wrong with sending a bill for minutes used?

This is forgiveness
when you can account for the scars
and keep the girl
from blaming herself for your own
bad choices,
(artistic leanings snuffed).
She is just trying to stretch out
into her first year.

Is the world a beautiful place?

I want to believe,
despite my shortcomings,
YES!

HELLO RAIN.
i FEEL U PUSHING THROUGH.
i CAN SEE THE LEAVES DIPPING DOWN FROM THE WEIGHT OF YOU.
i TURN AWAY FROM THE WINDOW
TO KEEP THOSE OUTSIDE
FROM WITNESSING
MORE RAIN
DRIPPING DOWN
THE LEAVES OF MY FACE
MY NECK
MY UNHAPPY SOUL

BUT RAIN,
YOU DON'T MIND.