Do you want the good news first or the bad news?

I should have known it was coming when the Infectious diseases doctor praised Sanbate's xray results after requesting more lab work. I should have known that there is no end to a research hospital's need for answers and more proof that every child that leaves their borders is tracked like a wanted criminal.

There was a mistake on the blood test in that instead of doing a stage 1 hiv test they did a stage 2 test which came up inconclusive. That is there were some levels that were not "normal".

Now the doctor is recommending we do the hiv test again, even tho' the lab that originally did her blood work up in Ethiopia is a certified US laboratory.

"I am sure it is negative, but with this result it would be negligent to skip retesting."

So now I am as anxious as ever. We have an appointment with her pediatrician tomorrow because I couldn't bear to bring Sanbate back into the hospital to be jabbed again, ( they had a really really hard time getting blood from her when we were in prison there). We will get a referral for a lab and then do another test.

I am a wreck
but Elianshu has been surprisingly jolly especially since we escaped the hospital, yet again.

I am a bit of a clean freak and it is
distressing to see the little
explosions around the house and the sink full of dishes.
My mother raised 7 of us, cooked homemade meals every night, and maintained a spotless house.

I think one of the activities that is slowing me down is the daily making of the home made formula. I have decided that the powdered sh** that Sanbate has been drinking is just not working for her. We have been taking trips to the local natural food store to buy raw milk and cream. Other ingredients: olive oil, acerola, coconut oil, sunflower seed oil, brewers yeast, probiotics, whey, geletin, and filtered water.

This formula is designed to fatten baby and give her much needed animal fats. And every morning I am giving her a cooked egg yolk.

Caring for a newly adopted child while sleep deprived is about as much fun as a truck load of camels. We saw these on the road back from Awassa, Ethiopia.

Lots of crying. Her not the camels, but it makes a mom feel ineffective. And frankly, a poor educator, (after 20 years experience!)

While checking email from my friend and adoption mentor, bj, my girl started to cry again, after having been asleep for 20 minutes. Sanbate had been up all day.Bj's email strongly suggested I buy and read The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier. Well, that was an easy sell. As the screaming escalated I quickly purchased a copy from Nancy's website. I will let you know how it is when I read it.

This morning we went down to the Albany county clerks office and filed for Sanbate's US passport. In three weeks we should receive it in the mail which means we can go to India as soon as the re-adoption is finalized.

Our girl is gaining weight. Finally. She is about 20 pounds now, compared to 16 when we arrived home with pneumonia. This girl had only gained 1 pound in the orphanage over a period of 3 months! I still can't quite figure this out as she was eating like a sow and as far as we know did not have parasites. She does have ringworm, altho' I have no idea where she has it- just that she gave it to me. Ringworm, incidentally is NOT a worm but a fungus.

Stubborn? yes.
A quick study? certainly.
Lovely? Quite.
Mental? Um. I am afraid so, (Head-bangingly so).
Generous? To a fault. (Just today she offered me her pancake, AND LET ME EAT IT).
Expressive? Right down to her bowels.

Babies are workaholics!
No matter how tired, wet, hungry, sick or cold they are they continue to explore, experiment and experience life. It is amazing!

Sanbate has been sleeping better but still pretty weary throughout the day. The naps (now 45 minutes) just don't seem to be enough.




Well, at least her meditative practice is still in order.
Here she is at the bookshelf and the first book she decides to take out, Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind. Shambhala baby!

Sleep.

Sanbate's schedule:
Sleeps 7pm -1am
Awake 1am-3am
Sleep 3am-5am
Awake 5am-9am
Sleep 9am-10am
Awake 10am-2pm
Sleep 2pm-3pm
Awake 3pm-7pm

Sleeps 10 hours
is awake 14 hours
every 24 hours

And it shows.She is tender and fussy.

I wonder if I should just let go of trying to have a rested baby.
It seems so important to me to help our one year old (eventually)learn to fall asleep without the parental circus we perform.
The bottles, the singing, the humming, the dancing, the walking, the soothing,the crib/our bed, the swaddling... This all would be wonderful if it actually worked.
I want to trust that my daughter will learn to fall asleep.
And comfort herself.
I want her to wake up joyful.

I have been told that young children should not be exposed to mirrors because they don't "get" what it is. Well we have big mirrors in our apartment and she lights up when she sees who is there. What can I do? Sanbate loves Sanbate.

When you use cloth diapers your child poops and pees more.
Or so it seems.
I am changing her diaper every hour but what joy it is to see a
(here I go sounding like an insane mother)
normal poop!
How beautiful!

And last night Sanbate slept from 6pm to 7am!
What a fabulous mood she was in this morning.
And she talked herself to sleep for her nap.

Today Jennifer from Adoption Connections came by for the post placement visit. It went really well I believe because I fed the baby banana pancakes just before arrival.

There was crawling, walking(with the walker), cooing, talking, laughing, playing and exploring.

She made us look so good.

There is the bubble test to see if a baby is really ill, (which works).
And then there is the lollipop test. Last night I tried the latter with success.

It has been a couple of days home from the hospital and Sunboo is still a little cranky. Altho' one must realize, (that is, I must realize) she is still reeling from being taken from her home. Still in shock from losing her Ethiopian "family" at the orphanage and subconsciously her birth family. Sometimes she is inconsolable and I have to set her down for a minute.

Today for her nap she could not be comforted. She was so tired and sad. I had to put her in her crib. When I came back in to check on her she would not let me hold her so I put her down again and this infuriated her. 2 minutes later she was asleep.

With no help from me. I feel terrible.

Hospital Days












We snuck out of the hospital undetected, (or so it seemed as we escaped from the isolation chamber), and saw the light of day. We also saw the sun.
And it was good.

Tests yesterday confirmed Sanbate's improvement (from white blood cell count of 30,000 to 7,000).
Her disposition is also greatly uplifted. Sleep is an amazing thing, and WHY don't they let the babies sleep in hospitals?

We were able to spend some time outside by the sea and in our back yard as the weather was gorgeous.

By 6 pm however, girl had a mild temperature. Hello tylenol and lots of liquids. By 7pm temperature was normal.

Easter

As he rose, she also rose.
Is a rose.
Ah Sunboo. You were very joyous today having had a real night's rest. All the machinery seems to be running smoothly again and if your blood test tomorrow is like your disposition today we are shining.
Dr. Brian Lee, who is an esteemed member of the Infectious diseases department of the hospital, met with us today to let us know that if the bloodwork tomorrow is improved from Thursday we can bring the girl home.
Push back that boulder and let us out!

Our sweet goose has been very sick. She had another febrile convulsion on the way to her doctor's appointment on Thursday and we have been at the hospital since. She has pneumonia, and something intestinal as well as other worse possibilities we are trying and hoping to rule out.
Tomorrow they pump her stomach to do a culture on what is in there. She will have to keep tubes in her little nose for a few days.
She has had almost every kind of test known to human kind.
And will be in the hospital until Monday at least.
I am home for a few hours to get some rest.
We are at the best children's hospital in our area and I am very confident of the doctors, altho' they do railroad a bit. We are in isolation which stinks because we can't walk around with her but it is a private room with a bathroom and view of the bay and the train so she and I have been sitting in the window and gazing at the street below. Very entertaining- no tv needed!

Happy Birthday!

On her Number 1 Day S woke up late, (430 am). She is tired and unwell. As she slept on and off throughout the day Mr. D and I became increasingly concerned, called the nurse practitioner and insisted on antibiotics. She had a fever the second half of the day and her belly was full of battle cries. I will not mention her diapers herein.
We did not give her the antibiotics however, as the international adoption clinic dr. advised us against taking any medication until the lab results are back.

Tomoca coffee is d* straight, 3 palms a pound, and I get excited when waking up at 3 in the morning with Sanbate to drink it.

The girl survived extensive bloodletting today. In fact, she walked away with her sense of humor fully intact.

Tomorrow is her birthday so we have every intention of spoiling her in every way. Lord girl! You made it through one year! Despite!

I am so grateful to sister Askale, the resident nurse pictured here with our coy smiler, for accompanying me to the hospital on our first day. I don't care what the statistics say, my experience with Ethiopians both men and women has lead me to feel devoted to them and to feel they are gentle and extremely loving people.

Yesterday Sanbate and I went to the International adoption clinic for an intense consultation which left us feeling a little bereft. The words, "failure to thrive" were used in reference to the almost nonexistent growth she has shown over the last 3 months. It is very possible that our girl has ghiardia or some kind of parasite/bacteria that is inhibiting her body from intaking nutrients. The girl eats and sleeps like a queen but still does not grow. Her digestion is also very challenged and one can hear the battle going on inside her belly after a meal. Mr. D and I are a little anxious about it especially after the febrile convulsion last week. So, we bought a temporal temperature gauge so as to keep track of any fever immediately and I am petitioning our primary care doctor for an appointment today so that we can get a referral for a blood panel and stool check.

None of this has stopped her from being an affectionate, curious, playful, and stunningly gorgeous lovebaby.

Another ED in the family.

We are home.
It seemed endless but
eternity has come to rest.

Many adventures inside one.
First day in Ethiopia trip to the hospital. Upon arrival our child vomits entire content of bottle on my torso and later because of temperature of 104 has febrile convulsions. If you have ever had a child of your own do this you know how terrifying it is.

Second day in Ethiopia trip to Leku to see the birth family (mother and grandmother). It seemed as though the entire village waited outside while we sat and talked.

Third day in Ethiopia trip to US embassy in Addis Ababa to obtain finalization of adoption and legal resident alien visa.

Fourth day in Ethiopia our child with us all day and all night.

Fifth day in Ethiopia I fall sick, north pole and south pole.

Sixth day in Ethiopia shopping excursion to Addis to buy things for the girl, (dresses, maps, books, paintings, a triptych, kavere, t-shirts, coffee, a sidama style cross necklace. The bus leaves without us downtown and we have momentary panic not unlike "Open Water". It seems they did a miscount and when they arrived at next destination realized we weren't aboard and turned around to get us.

Seventh day in Ethiopia coffee ceremony and goodbyes.

No sleep on the plane. A very fussy baby. Luggage sent on different flight which was delayed.

And finally back home.

Today is the day we leave so I may not be able to post anything else soon.
The bags are packed. The packing list has been checked. The cab for tonite has been called. It is difficult to believe that this is happening. I feel like I am being carried by this tremendous force and that I am ready to just relax and let it take me to Ethiopia.

I thought I would finish Sanbate's hat on the plane but here it is at home waiting for her to make it work.

Our agency called to let us know we will be staying in Awassa the night before our embassy appointment on Monday. As it stands we will leave early on Sunday to travel to the birth family's location (?) and then back to Awassa for the night. Awassa is not far from Addis so it shouldn't be difficult to get back in time for appointment at the embassy in the afternoon.

On a different note and in regard to what is happening TODAY:
I want to stay positive about the primaries. I want to be inspired that so much has happened with the nation actually getting out and voting for the first time! In Texas and places you would think that the current administration had paralyzed. I want to stay optimistic about this "Change" Americans are hungry for. But I have to tell you I am nervous about it. I am anxious about it. Because I do have hope that the grown up running is not going to give in to "the silly season" in politics. Is not going to stoop to fear mongering and racial baiting. That Barack Obama will continue to run in his "presidential" way.
With leadership.
Credibility.
Intelligence.
Dignity.
Strength.
Compassion.
Vision.
And a whole lot of blessings from his supporters.

Lovely me I have the flu.
Which is actually fine as I would rather be getting better at home than trying to "Buck up" on the flight to Ethiopia.
Our neighbor came over today to be prepped on kitty and birdy care.
I finished shopping for the trip.
220 volt adapter? Check.
Baby shoes and socks? Check.
Electric socket protectors? Check.
Baby dishes that don't have obnoxious cartoons on them? Check.
Freezer food for our return home? Check.
Flip flops for the orphanage guest room (no shoes allowed)? Check.

Bubbles?

You better believe it.