Living the days like each day is a vacation
Something special is happening!
Lots of conflict means lots of activity
and possibility
for healing.
The students are naughty
so we can be good.
The students endure
so we can make mistakes.

And learn

of course!

Our school is going through a major crisis and I haven't posted because I haven't been able to write it down. Without blaming anyone it seems that the school is experiencing a potentially lethal fiscal situation. Because of this the school is losing students every day. I am not sure if I will be employed next month but will keep you posted.

Today the weather is lovely with blue skies. A bald eagle flew over the playground and the children cried out to it.

Interesting times.

It has been over a week since we started at The Tacoma Waldorf School. Booty is enjoying it but prefers not to stay for after-care which is unavoidable when I am teaching. Otherwise, students are beginning to adjust and I am beginning to learn how to teach them. Mostly, just re-evaluating my expectations.

Mt. Rainier looms large, the passing freight trains enter our dream-life and the sigh inducing sunsets hold on just a little longer.

Getting up mighty early to make sure to do my practice and be ready to leave the house packed and prepared by 730. When monsoon season starts I am sure everything will shift again.

Mr. D continues to travel back and forth from his crazy work meetings yonder to home. I hope his suitcase does not disintegrate en route. It is looking a little battered.

Booty enjoys whatever she is offered. A patch of flowers, a red wagon, gems, anything really especially engagement. Lots and lots of ENGAGEMENT.

The first known name for Mt. Ranier was Tahoma. Maybe Tacoma is a dirivitive of this name. Booty makes a game of finding Mt. Ranier when the sky is clear and we can see east. Mount Rainier is a stratavolcano.

The mountains in this picture (in the distance) are the Olympics. When the sun is shining we can see these beauties over Bremerton/Gig Harbor way.

Our shipment is due to arrive tonight. We should be geared up by next week.

We like our trees BIG!
However, we are still looking for a decent restaurant. I am afraid Tacoma is still experiencing a bit of a "Townie" attitude toward culinary expertise but my fears may be based in ignorance. We shall see.
Today while checking out the nearby community pool I noticed the swimming instructor overseeing his swimmers while wearing jeans and a baseball cap. Not very promising.
On the upside, Booty's camp teacher is a wonderful young college student (and Olympia Waldorf school graduate) who is studying in India next year. She is a blessing to us all!

We finally found a Waldorf job and home to rent in Tacoma. It is in a residential area and overlooks the Puget Sound (see picture). I am very pleased with the house as it has plenty of space for Booty to play outside (both under cover and out in the open) and plenty of nice spots inside for us all to work and play. We move August 1st. It is going to be a busy month!

It is also very close to Port Defiance ferry which takes us to Vashon Island, and our dear friends.

Our blessings are many. Here are a few of them.
How we love A and H.

On our way to Seattle.
We have had our sun.
And our family.
Now we shall see what else is in store for us.
Above, Pemaquid Beach and Dodge Point in Maine.

Today's collection

Highlights from our return home include two great visits with my youngest brother in Cincinnati, a stay at Walden Pond and visits with Vivien, and our reunion in Rockland Maine with gorgeous people and a perfect view.

We are still here in Rockland, thankful for the double rainbow on the sea and yet longing for our homeward bound friends and Mr. D, who is now off on his own adventure.

K's pre-graduation lunch. And the beautiful graduate we all adore.

We are leaving Ohio today after a solidly beneficial visit with minimal conflict.
Booty was able to bond with her cousins in a healthy way (no babying and some good boundary testing). I was able to share the grief of the last 3 years with Mr. D's family and felt heard. Had a very pleasant day with my brother(just the two of us) in Cincinnati and a lovely dinner with him (with Booty and H) at a fairly good Ethio place in the city.

The weather has been pretty good and aside from the shark attack of a seizure at the nephews's graduation (the day before I left for San Diego) all is well, not great mind you but well.

The myth that in middle age life becomes easier is one big laughable prank. On me? On anyone like me who may still be working with the questions in life and learning how to accept moments, crappy and lovely and the feelings that go with them.

Without trying to control them.

The month ahead will be a continuation of suitcase living (not my favorite) and ambiguity around what the next year will hold. My head cannot fathom another year of joblessness. My heart yearns for the healing forces of the natural world. And the stress factor of yet another move, another limbo year has really undermined my strength and patience for the every day bumps and stops.

Sometimes I wonder, is this the dream of groundlessness? The reality that we all fear and avoid?

Here at San Diego airport waiting to board an early flight back to Ohio. On the way to the airport via the car rental shuttle, the driver asked me, "Where is home?" and I nearly broke down and cried.

I may not be without a home but I am surely feeling a lack of belongingness.
Above, the surfing madonna, seen on an underpass in Encinitas. She is also being asked to leave.

Having applied to three different schools and been denied at all three I need to ask the question,

"Why do I long painfully for a home when it is clear the universe wants me to wander?"

Thanks Mary for sharing this on facebook. It speaks my mind.

I bet you have seen this sort of thing before. We know this feeling. It has become very familiar. "All that you can't leave behind" packed in boxes. There should be a more "green" way to do this. So much cardboard! Sigh.



"Daddy is number one"- middle finger
"Mommy is number two"- ring finger
And "baby is number three"- pinky finger

I am ok with that.

My Husband thinks all I do in my vast amount of free time is blog. I have been wanting to post lately but my last post seems more important than anything I want to say about our move and my struggles to stay authentic and upright/centered.

I love all my blogging/facebook friends. And I think it is important to note I know you all personally. I say this because it is part of why I blog and post to facebook. I want to stay in touch with family and friends. I NEED to stay in touch with them for my sanity. I am so grateful for those moments within the last 3 years overseas when I got to share a joke or hear a silly/interesting story or even share in the latest sorrow. Thanks peeps, you are not a "collection" but a small and precious team of loving people who have supported me no questions asked. We live and become.

That said, once I start teaching again which may be very soon, I won't have the time to blog as much (if at all). I started blogging when I stopped teaching. Teaching in a Waldorf school requires an immense amount of physical, psychological, intellectual and emotional energy. Not to say that anyone else's job doesn't. But for me, to be happy with the quality of my teaching work, I need to do a bit of preparation each day.

And then there is Booty. She will need me too as Mr. D will be traveling and starting a new (and exciting) project as well. She will be in a bigger community of families and adapting to yet another country. A lot to ask a little one.

We will be flying out of Singapore in two weeks!

Watch the full episode. See more FRONTLINE.

Why Ai Weiwei?


"Currently 'disappeared' artist Ai Weiwei's work, 'Circle of Animals/Zodiac Heads', has just been unveiled at the Grand Army Plaza in New York City, with Mayor Michael Bloomberg speaking out on Ai's present detainment. Bloomberg declared that the occasion was 'bittersweet,' and that the lack of information regarding Ai's whereabouts was 'disturbing.'"

From the Shanhaiist

An interview with Ai Weiwei before he was taken into custody can be read here.


Everything I have seen and read about Ai Weiwei points to a man of unflagging integrity and an artist who is willing to take full responsibility for his art and country. I have been following the increasingly threatening tone of the Chinese government's dealings with him and it is maddening. And now he is in custody but noone knows where he is.

His comments in the interview linked above speak directly to something of great concern to the world regarding China's growth:

"TVDW: How much time do you think China is still need for greater respect for human rights? Short or long term?

Ai Weiwei: I do not think the issue of human rights can ever improve without a struggle. The government and the system is radically refusing any discussion. There is no room for it. And with their daily political mistakes, the rights of more and more people are being violated. So they also suppress the people. For this is the price for China’s rapid development. You know, if human rights were respected, China would never develop so quickly. They sacrifice our fundamental rights. And that seems to work, so why would they change?"

Conduct took my mojo
She bore it on the rough water
Of difficult situations

Swam fish-like
Jumping over waves
Of entitlement, righteousness, aggression and impatience

And when my mojo began
its journey seaward the angels laughed,
“Let’s see what she does now.”

Yes. I yelled and screamed
I admit it but it is tiresome to detail.
Suffice to say foolishness is rarely dramatic enough
For me

So finally
And then

I began to ask questions
Will gratitude build a raft of humility?
Perhaps I must wait for conduct to return
While practicing the other neglected traits

Or maybe I will
Float on the current of trust
Letting the reeds of plenty
Caress my generous legs

Small nibbling sunfish clean
My open hands
While the tide pulls me out
To the mother of all
Frail, mistaken pilgrims
To be made anew

And then will I be prepared to receive
My wayward mojo
From Conducts noble arms?

Or is this me,
now?

Just bought this incredible book of Japanese Papers with a cd of the images.
Now if I could only learn how to compress them properly so I could use them on the blog.
Ggghhh*!

The Plan:


The plan is to fly from Singapore to Ohio at the end of May.
See what happens with the job search and possibly interview one last round before school is out.
Then on to New England to visit with peeps and family in June.
Onward in July to Seattle, or California to settle for at least one year or heaven only knows for years with a teaching job in a Waldorf school where we can ultimately live, grow and become, roots and all!

*Butterfly at Changi airport, Singapore

I was taught by my mother when we lived on Cape Cod, it is good luck to say "Rabbit" on the first of the Month.

And this May is the last month of our stay here in Singapore.

So I say a fond farewell to my gorgeous students S and O, who always worked diligently and with a wonderful enthusiasm. Blessings on this family who have sustained me in more ways than I can name.

And thank you for spending so much quality time with our girl, like today at the zoo. We didn't have to look after our wild girl- O and S did and with great joy!

xoxo

Two more weeks and they are off to England! And then we will be off too to Ohio, Maine and Washington State/or California if that is our fate.

America!