K's pre-graduation lunch. And the beautiful graduate we all adore.
We are leaving Ohio today after a solidly beneficial visit with minimal conflict.
Booty was able to bond with her cousins in a healthy way (no babying and some good boundary testing). I was able to share the grief of the last 3 years with Mr. D's family and felt heard. Had a very pleasant day with my brother(just the two of us) in Cincinnati and a lovely dinner with him (with Booty and H) at a fairly good Ethio place in the city.
The weather has been pretty good and aside from the shark attack of a seizure at the nephews's graduation (the day before I left for San Diego) all is well, not great mind you but well.
The myth that in middle age life becomes easier is one big laughable prank. On me? On anyone like me who may still be working with the questions in life and learning how to accept moments, crappy and lovely and the feelings that go with them.
Without trying to control them.
The month ahead will be a continuation of suitcase living (not my favorite) and ambiguity around what the next year will hold. My head cannot fathom another year of joblessness. My heart yearns for the healing forces of the natural world. And the stress factor of yet another move, another limbo year has really undermined my strength and patience for the every day bumps and stops.
Sometimes I wonder, is this the dream of groundlessness? The reality that we all fear and avoid?
3 comments:
I never heard the Myth of Middle Age becomes easier. My experience is that Middle Age becomes more obvious. there is no more hiding any more. No more pretending that, although we may be 30, we shall act as if we are 21. For that is our Right, is it not? to behave as we wish our age to be?
I remember being surprised at how relieved I was when I turned 40. Finally, I could be an adult and the Rules seemed much more forgiving. Every year since I have to remind myself that I am only 47 (or whatever) years old, and that means nothing in terms of the moment we are in, or the age of the earth as we know it. What a silly, random, numeber. We are where we are. And that Moment is The Truth.
miss you.
I never knew the Myth of Middle Age to become easier. My experience is that Middle Age becomes more obvious. there is no more hiding any more. No more pretending that, although we may be 45, we shall act as if we are 27. For that is our Right, is it not? to behave as we wish our age to be?
I remember being surprised at how relieved I was when I turned 40. Finally, I could be an adult and the Rules seemed much more forgiving. Every year since I have to remind myself that I am only 47 (or whatever) years old, and that means nothing in terms of the moment we are in, or the age of the earth as we know it. What a silly, random, number. We are where we are in time. And that Moment is The Truth. And it can not possibly have a name.
Any pix of the woods? For those of us in urban hell? Please?
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