Changes

In September I left my job with no days notice, that is, my job no longer felt like employment I could sustain for even one more hour while maintaining my own personal integrity. In no days notice I had to say good-bye without actually saying good-bye to colleagues I loved and respected, to children I adored and admired, and to families I had thought of as part of my own community. What ensued was a feeling of utter powerlessness despite the fact that it was me who walked. The emotional storm that descended paralyzed me and made me feel isolated, invisible, and despicable. Within a month, I was physically paralyzed by double pneumonia followed by influenza/bronchitis from which I am still recovering.

The day-to-day requirements of a single mom (divorced in August ha! ha!) are unique. I think it is hard to imagine unless you have been in this situation. But I think it is enough to say that it is an urgent matter for me to be sound and strong, if only for the sake of my daughter, (and Lulu the beloved dog-sister-daughter).

Trying to come to terms with my financial situation (understanding that early retirement is not an option) has been an ongoing challenge. My depression, while real, undermines any chance of my physical recovery and will likely serve as a roadblock to any future job opportunities. But here I am projecting. I don’t know what this all signifies but I mean to find out and/or meet it if I can.

If you are reading this you are one of ten witnesses. The information you read is private. Please do not share. Please drop out at any time you feel uncomfortable. Please comment, "I am here." if you have read the post.

Thank you for your help in this very personal experiment.